A trip to Remember...

About a week ago my mom and dad were here in England visiting us. They spent a fortnight here. Their only intention was to stay in our humble place and spend the whole period of couple of weeks at our place. Never had they known that my hubby and I had arranged ahead a plan of taking them places around England. Personally I thought one’s visit to England is incomplete if one doesn’t go and see all the main attraction and historical places that England has to offer. Thus, my hubby and I took the whole week off during my parents’ stay to (1) spend time with them, (2) take them and our children for a tour around England. Initially, I thought of taking them to Scotland coz’ my dad wished to see the snow and the northern Scotland is the land blessed with snow almost all year round. But after further discussion with my hubby, we finally decided to drive them down South of England since my hubby has a number of friends staying down South. A few days prior to my parents’ arrival, me and my hubby had it all figured out of the whereabouts of our trip.

Details of our trip are elaborated in the following itinerary:-

Day 1: Saturday, 22nd March, Lake District

For the first day of our trip, my hubby thought that it was best to take them up north before we headed down south. Thus, our first stop was the infamous Lake District. It was rather chilly that Saturday morning. As soon as we walked towards the lake, the wind blowing was even chillier. I could feel my teeth chattering as we walked along the lake side. My boys were thrilled upon seeing the friendly swan lakes and ducks trotting by our side asking for food. My two sons quickly took out the loaf of bread that we brought purposely for feeding the birds there. We then took our boys and my parents for a boat ride around the lake which we thought would warm up my parents a little. Once we get on board and the boat headed towards the open lake, we were accompanied by the beautiful sceneries that the lake has to offer. We were astonished by the picturesque view as the boat took us around the lake.

Day 1: Saturday, 22nd March, Blackpool


Our second stop for the day was Blackpool which was only 45 minutes drive from the Lake District. Blackpool was crowded with people craving for entertainment since this place is filled with the many amusement centres for the young and adult alike. This statement about the crowd in Blackpool was evident when we had a hard time finding for a parking spot. It was drizzling in Blackpool when we first arrived. The Blackpool tower somehow in presence looks similar to the Eiffel tower except that the one in Paris is much higher and carries more prestige with it. Knowing that Blackpool is located within the coast line of England, we headed for the sea side and walked along it. It brought joy to our little ones upon seeing the sea side. To my boys, a visit to beach would only be perfect if they could get their hands dirty with the sand in the beach!

Day 2: Sunday, 23rd March, Bury was covered in snow


Bury was blessed with snow yet again. I guess God heard my dad’s wish and decided to turn it into a reality. I could tell my dad’s excitement when he woke us up as early as dawn which was soon after he realised that the streets where we live in were covered white. Upon hearing the word ‘snow’ my little boys jumped out of bed, put on their cold weather clothes and dashed out to get their hands on the white snow. My dad was ultimately happy that his excitement could be shared with his grandsons. Without a second thought, my dad joined my boys in our little garden to feel and touch the snow for the very first time in his entire life. I was very glad and happy that dad has finally got what he wished for in his visit to England. Thank you, the Almighty.

Day 2: Sunday, 23rd March, RAF Museum Birmingham


After snapping some photos of us in the snow, we left Bury to head towards our first stop down south of England; Birmingham. The idea of taking my parents to the RAF Museum came about after my hubby’s first visit there with his fellow colleagues. We were glad that the first stop was not a disappointment to my dad. In fact, he seemed to be engulfed in the many airplane models exhibited there. My boys were excited too especially my eldest. He was even thinking of making an airplane model. In fact, soon after we left the museum my eldest son made a detailed drawing of one of the flights.

Day 2: Sunday, 23rd March, Warwick Castle


This destination was rather a last-minute stop that my hubby decided to include in our itinerary. It was one of the castles around England that is well kept and preserved. It was not just a ruin of the late royalty but a palace filled with activities similar to those of the ancient day. I overheard one of the visitors there explaining to her daughter that the many activities featured could help expose and educate the young ones to years of feudal and how the people during those time lived their daily routine. I was dazzled by the vast compound of the castle which is on the contrary to the size of the staircase within the castle. I could hardly imagine how the king’s men (whom I assumed were gigantic in nature since they had to carry on heavyweight armour around them to battle) walked through the tiny flight of stairs. I must say, it was a destination filled with education.

Day 3: Monday, 24th March, Bath, Avon


From Warwick, we drove further down south to Bath, place nicked as the Roman City. In Bath, we spent the night at one of my hubby’s school mate who has been residing in England since she pursued her studies. I was quite excited about meeting my hubby’s friend who is expecting a baby soon. Ain and Syed had thrown us a very warm welcome. After indulging in the heavenly dish of nasi lemak, the parents-to-be took us for a walk around the little town they live in. My hubby and I couldn’t help but admire the unique architecture featured here. My mom on the other hand fell for the wild flowers blooming in the garden especially the sakura-like flower. She even wished that she could bring those beautiful wild flowers home to Malaysia. After our morning stroll in the little town of Ain and Syed’s, we bid farewell and resume our trip.

Day 3: Monday, 24th March, New Quay, Cornwall


I personally love the drive from Bath to Cornwall. It was one of the most exciting driving range ever. I remember being accompanied by picturesque view along the way to Cornwall. The road was filled with beautiful sceneries of the country side that was beyond my wildest imagination. The God’s beauty around me had defeated the fatigue-ness that I felt from driving, in fact I was wide awake along the way there. My boys on the other were only excited about the thought of going to a sandy beach. Their only wish was to make sand castle. Upon the sight of the blue wave hitting the sandy beach, my boys got thrilled. They quickly dashed out of the car as soon as the car halted and headed towards the nearest beach. They collected many sea shells buried under the sand to be brought home as mementoes for our visit. I made a vow that I would take my sons to Cornwall again coz we spared very little time at this beautiful beach.

Day 3: Monday, 24th March, Plymouth


From Cornwall, we drove further down south to Plymouth where one of my undergraduate course-mates is staying. Once again, our journey there was escorted by one of the many God’s wonderful crafts. As we got closer to our destination, we were blown by a wonderful surprise; a ferry ride to Plymouth. My sons were so excited when they got to know that we would go on a ferry to cross the Portsmouth Harbour. My little boys always thought that they could only ride ferry whenever they visit their great-grandparents in Penang. I reckon it had never occurred to them that they could experience a thrilling ferry ride in England as well. (to be continued...)

Thank you, Umei

This post is solely dedicated to my coursemate, Umei whom I have recently met at her residence in Plymouth. It's been ages since the last time I met her during our years in the varsity. According to my somewhat absent-minded memory, I had come to know Umei through our Art & Graphic group project. I remember thinking of her as a very religious person from the way she dressed. It never occurred to me that she's a bubbly and easy-going type of person until the day we officially engaged with the Art & Graphic project. Umei is the friendliest person I've met, not to mention a chatter box too.

p/s: thanks for letting us stay at ur place, Umei. we'll definitely visit u again someday.

Lately my eldest son has been asking for me to give him a baby girl. Truth to tell, I do crave for a baby girl to be a part of our small family as well but my not-so privilege childhood made me think more than twice about having more children. I was brought up in a big family with five younger siblings that I constantly had to help my mom care for. I distinctly remember having to help my mom change my younger sisters and brother nappies at the tender age of six. Two years later when I was in Standard Two and had just recovered from chicken pox, another new member of the family was brought home making six number of children occupying the quarters that we were staying in. It also meant that the more nappies that I would be changing. I always felt ashamed of admitting to have five younger sisters and brothers to my friends mostly because many of them had less number of siblings than I do. I could vividly recall my childhood being filled with nappy changing, bathing and looking after my younger siblings, and helping them with their homework. I envied my other school friends who didn’t have as much responsibility as I did. They could happily play with friends of the same age freely. Wherever I’d go, my sisters and brothers would be seen clinging on to me. Back then, I always wished that I had only had one younger sister in the family instead of five little ones. I remember asking my mom why she didn't stop breeding after having two daughters. My mom didn’t reply my questioning (Only recently have I had the answer to it.

Having to share everything that I had with my five siblings turned me into an adolescent who despises children, an attribute which is the opposite of my mom who simply adores children. I could clearly recall the times when I chased children (especially the naughty ones) out of my house during my teen age years. My mom back then frequently reminded me not to mistreat those children. She kept saying that someday I might be blessed with children who’d be handful. I guess God heard her warning and made them come true just so that I’d learn my lesson. My two sons were quite handful especially the youngest one. Whenever I see adorable girls in their girly dresses, I do feel the clingyness of having one but I always fight the sense that I had with thoughts of my past childhood and the heftiness of bringing up the two boys. Even before I started breeding, I warned myself and my hubby not to have too many children plainly because (1) I don’t like children, (2) I don’t want my boys to go through the same childhood which I had experienced. I do want my eldest son to have a sense of responsibility but not as much as I did. Plus, I personally think that I am not capable of attending and entertaining the needs of too many children. I had experienced the lack of attention from my parents when I was young (cause they were busy attending to my younger siblings) and so I do not want my boys to feel that they are any least loved by me or my hubby. I want them to have all the love and attention from us.

Bed of Roses was tagged

About a week or so ago, Quesera sera has tagged this blog of mine. I'm not really sure of the rules of tagging and how it works but I'm going to give it a go anyway. So, here's my long reply to being tagged:-

8 random facts about me
(1) I enjoy reading especially well-written novels. Lately, I fall for novels written by English novelists. Honestly, I think their books are brilliantly composed with vast vocabulary and beautiful prose.
(2) I love to day-dream. I could be day-dreaming while I'm in the shower, in the kitchen while preparing dinner, and mostly in bed before I finally fall asleep.
(3) I never like children before I finally have my own offspring. But I still find it hard to like children of others except my sister's and sister-in-law's. I just adore my nephew and nieces. I could spend a whole lot buying clothes for the little girls since I don't have one of my own.
(4) I used to love window-shopping. I still do. But nowadays I'd be doing it online. Window-shopping keeps me update with the new trends in the fashion industry. It also helps me to day-dream of my next perfect dress to be added into my wardrobe.
(5) I'm camera shy eventhough many people keep telling me that the camera loves me. Truth to tell, I'm never good at posing for the camera.
(6) At times, I'd be talking or babbling or nagging to myself about the many things going on in mylife. I could be rambling about my colleagues, my partner or even the people that I passed by as I walked to the office.
(7) I'm a chocolate lover. I find it hard to resist anything that's heavenly indulged in chocolate. It may be in the form of ice-cream, cake, biscuit, waffle, or even chocolate bars. If anyone offers me chocolate, I could never refuse it.
(8) My weight is always on my alert radar. Being a chocolate lover, I constantly watch over food and the amount of food that I consume daily. If I found myself gaining extra pounds, I’d quickly imposed a strict diet regime on myself just to ensure that I lose those additional pounds within the next couple of weeks.

FAVORITE BREAKFAST IS: nasi lemak (but there’s no instant nasi lemak here. Tunggu mak datang England baru dapat makan kot)
THE MOVIE I’VE WATCHED MOST NUMBER OF: P.Ramlee movies, but I’ve new craze; Mukhsin
LEAST FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL: Bahasa Melayu
SPEND MY LEISURE TIME: watching telly, reading novels
WORST SMELL? My housemate cooking khinzir. Bau hanyir gile
IF I COULD HAVE ANY CAR IN THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Mercedes M-class
FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE? Lipat kain
WHEN I WAS A KID I DREAMT OF BECOMING A: Doctor
FAVORITE COLOR(s): Black, White, Grey
FAVORITE PERFORMER(S): None
IF I COULD REPEAT COLLEGE, I’D TAKE: Mass communication
THREE THINGS I CAN’T FORGET BEFORE GOING TO OFFICE? Handphone, kunci umah
FIRST THING I’LL BUY WITH MY FIRST SALARY: I-pod nano
I’D LIKE TO BE REMEMBERED AS: A contributing community member
IF A BOOK WAS MADE INTO A MOVIE, WOULD YOU STILL BOTHER TO READ THE BOOK? Depends on the type of book. I’d never go for horror/thriller flicks
SPECIALTY IN COOKING? Laksa kedah, mee goreng basah, sambal tumis ikan bilis
PRESENT CRUSH(ES)? Jake Gyllenhaal, the late Heath Ledger (love his deep voice)
FAVORITE HANG-OUT? Bury Millgate, Mid-valley Megamall, KLCC.
BEST PLACE TO SHOP? Bury Millgate
DO YOU LIKE TO WATCH PLAYS? I love theater. Last seen was Ali Baba the Musical
FAVORITE PLACE IN YOUR HOUSE? On the sofabed which is next to the telly
BEST GIFT YOU’VE RECEIVED? Lancome Miracle with a bouquet of roses given 2 years ago during mother’s day
WEIRDEST GIFT YOU’VE RECEIVED? Can’t think of any
GIFT THAT YOU WANT TO RECEIVE AS OF THIS MOMENT? I-pod nano
YAHOO OR HOTMAIL: Yahoo
LEFT OR RIGHT: Right
BLACK OR WHITE: Both
BLACK OR BLUE PEN: Black pen
SANDALS OR SHOES: Shoes
CHOPSTICKS OR SPOON AND FORK? Depends on the meal
ROBOCOP OR RAMBO: Neither
JOLLIBEE OR McD: Depends on my crave and appetite
COKE OR PEPSI: Neither. I like fruit-flavoured if I feel like drinking carbonated drinks
LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO: Fadz
LAST PERSON WHO TEXTED YOU: Fadz
LAST PERSON WHO MADE YOU LAUGH: Fadz
LAST TIME I CRIED: Early this month before I tendered my resignation notice which I then withdrew
YOU SEE ME ALWAYS DRINKING: Plain water

People whom I'd tag:-
1. Fadz
2. Yoe
3. Quesera sera
4. Besout
5. Scabbers
6. Lord Voldermont
7. Lindaz

To Quesera sera, thank you for tagging me. Even before this blog was tagged, I've long categorised the above lists as my favourite blog-hopping spots. I truly enjoy reading you guys' posts on your respective blogs. Keep up your frequent posts!

Beauty and Acceptance

"Some people are universally beautiful and some people are beautiful only to those that love them. Love changes beauty. When you love a truly beautiful person, they cease to be perfect and you love them more because you, and only you know their flaws. That's what makes them yours, the secret of the flaws. And when you love an ugly person, they become beautiful to you. That's part of the love, the fact that you know they are beautiful. People's features change when you love them. They become precious. And once you really know them, have held that face close and kissed every bit of it, you'll never recapture how it looked to you for the first time you saw it. But sometimes you see a face for the first time and know that is the face for you. And sometimes a face just grows on you, and there it is in your life, and your days would be empty without it" - Secrets of a Family Album, Isla Dewar

I was intrigued by this beautifully crafted philosophies on beauty and acceptance which was brilliantly debated between a mother and a daughter in another novel of Isla Dewar, Secrets of a Family Album. I couldn't agree more. When I first met Fadz, I was despised by his physical appearance. But somehow when I gave myself the opportunity to be close to him, I saw an inner beauty that no one else has seen in him before. The more time I spend my life time with him, listening to all his thoughts, the more I become accustomed to his unique face, hence the more I learn to accept and love him just the way he is.

The Consequences of Marriage

Last week, I have just finished reading a book by an English novelist entitled, The Consequences of Marriage. The novel was about an elderly lady who had mistakenly thought that she was on the verge of facing the angle of death. With the thought of joining her late husband at the back of her mind, she decided to pay her last visit to the places that once held her life-time memories and say adieu to all her children. I just admire the way Isla Dewar unfolded the historical and memorable events of her life which had long been veiled from the knowledge of her offspring.

For this special trip (which she thought would be her last one), she decided to use the less-travelled road instead of the motorway. I thought she had made a wise decision on the path that she’d take as these roads offer more picturesque view compared to the motorway. I totally agree with her. Most motorway users only have one thing in their mind; step on the accelerator, speed up and reach their destinations in the least time. She was right about the route for her final voyage. Her trip to her destinations was accompanied by beautiful scenery where she halted to picnic and enjoy the magnificent view laid upon her aging eyes. It was at these brief stops (which she’d planned ahead) that her untold stories were unraveled and shared with her accompanying chauffeur whom reminded her so much of her lost child.

As she reached each of her destinations, all her fond memories kept within the place begun to unwind and play back in the corners of her mind. At times, she was so indulged in the flashes of her past that she spoke to her late husband’s soul. She even talked very affectionately about the place and the beautiful reminiscence that she once lived in when the reality of her previous past there wasn’t always as striking as her vivid recalls. As I followed her secret being unraveled, I begun to understand why she selectively recalled only the good old memories. I guess when one has to spend one’s golden age without the presence of one’s soul mate; one would prefer to unwind only the wonderful moments spent together than the hardship that they once lived.

When I finally read the last sentence of the novel, two things triggered in my mind. Firstly, I started to realize that I have never really had the time to appreciate the picturesque places back home. In fact, I was like the many typical motorway users who only wanted to quickly arrive at the destination. I shared this old lady’s wonderful journey with my hubby and thought that we should do the same during our next home visit in summer 2009. Secondly, the selective flashback that the elderly woman had made me wondered what would I be like when I’m older and having to spend my golden years in loneliness. I know now that I could never live my life without my soul partner…

I was stupified

I think I will fall ill very soon. My throat is starting to sore, my nose is blocked. I have been telling people around me that I am fortunate that I hadn’t caught the infamous influenza in this horrendous weather. I did the most foolish thing to do in a freezing cold weather; eat a bowl of chocolate ice-cream. I just couldn’t resist the combination of my two favourite yet forbidden food (for weight watchers like me); chocolate and ice cream. I remember putting on nearly 10 pounds after last year’s Christmas. Who wouldn’t put on weight after indulging into the heavenly meal and definitely the many chocolaty sweets beautifully wrapped? I told myself then that I must commence my strict diet regime; no more in between meals and chocolate. Within less than four weeks, those extra pounds gained started to lose off and I can easily fit into all my size 6 clothes. My point is, I shouldn't have let the evil lured me into consuming those chocolate ice-cream in the first place. I felt so stupified. I should have know better the consequences of falling for the evil and now, I am on the verge of facing that consequence of my own foolishness; down with flu!



p/s: We finally had some snow last Saturday after having wait for it since Christmas.

A quitter? Hmm...

There are times when I really regret sweet-talking my hubby to migrate here. Yesterday was one of those moments. I had a really tough time at work. My superior seemed to be expecting too much from me when the fact is I am not entirely ready to take up a job that I am never passionate of. I can foresee that the post may promise a good career prospect but what I fail to see is myself fitting into the job. I’ve always longed for a career within the line of study that I did for my post-graduate degree. I should admit that Operation Management was not my favourite subject, and the post he’s offering is very similar to what I’d learned in the course. He spent about 10 minutes to discuss what he planned to do to help me grab hold and grasp the essence of my new role. During this discussion, I started thinking that may be it will be best if I dismiss myself from the organisation before he spares his precious time at work to further explain something that I’m not entirely ready to commit to.

So, yesterday as I was walking home, I thought of it thoroughly and decided that I don’t fit into the post offered and tender my resignation notice today. But my superior is not in today as he’s attending a very important conference in the City. I’d hand him my notice first thing tomorrow and explain why I did so. Some people may think that I am a quitter for quitting before the real hard work even begins. The truth is I’ve attempted to play my new role for the past couple of weeks without proper training and using only the very brief description of the job given. I thought to myself that before my superior or the people around me started to judge me as not contributing to the organisation, it’s better for me to leave.

Rutin harian di rantauan

Dah lame sangat rasanya tidak mengemaskini (update) blog dalam Bahasa Melayu. Sebelum BM saya bertambah karat, molek lah kiranya saya menulis sedikit di dalam bahasa ibunda saya. Semenjak saya menetap di rantauan, saya telah belajar menjadi manusia yang lebih berjimat. Misalnya, saya pergi keje dengan hanye berjalan kaki (maklumlah, saya masih belum memiliki kenderaan sendiri), dan saya bawa bekal untuk makan tengahari. Kalau dahulu semasa saya menetap di tanahair, setiap hari saya perlu memandu untuk ke tempat kerja, dan waktu makan pula, sudah menjadi kewajiban membeli di kedai makan sahaja. Pada ketika itu, langsung tidak terlintas untuk membawa bekal. Bukan setakat makan tengahari yang saya beli di gerai, malah boleh dikatakan untuk setiap sajian (meal) sehari-hari, dibeli di gerai. Sungguh jarang sekali saya memasak di rumah. Tapi sekarang, amat jarang sekali saya membeli makanan dari gerai, sebaliknya saya lebih selesa makan makanan yang saya masak sendiri. Bukan sahaja boleh berjimat, tetapi juga lebih yakin dengan tahap kebersihan penyediaaan makanan tersebut.

p/s: seksanya nak siapkan satu perenggan yang betul tatabahasanya (grammartically correct) dalam bahasa ibunda sendiri. I should be ashamed of myself.

My cheeky lil' boys

Last week was my youngest son's 5th birthday. The infamous quotation about time; "time waits for no men nor women" is truly true. I sometimes find it hard to convince myself that the active little boy whom I gave birth to five years ago is already in school. It felt like it was only yesterday that I cradled him in my arms (I still do though), and watched his progressive growth daily. He never fails to amaze me everyday with every little new things that he learns in school. Though this youngest boy of mine takes after most of his father's facial appearance, his linguistic abilities and physical feature are inhereted maternally. He picks up language very quickly and easily makes friends. Being born as a big baby, he is always thought to be the same age as his older brother. He may be physically big, but at times he still behaves like a small baby.
His older brother, my eldest son, contradicts my youngest in every way. Despite inhereting most of my facial features, this nearly 7-year-old boy takes after most of my hubby's artistic attributes. Has the love to draw and invent things, Han's set back is linguistic. As a baby, he developed his linguistic skill at a later age compared to boys of the same age. Being a practical person like his father, my eldest tends to learn language better when he could apply the words in his daily conversation.
Even though both of my boys are unique from one to another, when it comes to play time, they share the same interest. Both of them really enjoy building their Lego bricks, play computer games, and read story books before they go to bed. And they're also very cheeky whenever they're asked to pose for the camera. But most important of all, I love them both very much and they'll always be my babies no matter how big they grow!

A belated 'surprise'

Last weekend was my beloved hubby’s birthday. We only bought a cake to commemorate that special day in his life. As we indulged ourselves into the heavenly chocolate cake, I started thinking to myself, “When was the last time I threw him a surprise for his birthday? Never! And when was the last time I’ve bought him something valuable besides clothes? Never!” I’ve been married to him for seven years yet not once have I ever arranged for a surprise for his special day. So, I started to layout a secret plan in my head. I had it all figured out; as soon as I finished work on Friday, I’d take the boys to our little town and buy everything needed to surprise him. Last Thursday night, as I was preparing dinner, I revealed my secret plans to my two boys and warned them not to disclose it to their daddy.

Friday set in. It was the day to finally execute my surprise project. Once I finished work at noon, I dashed home to fetch my sons and get them dress for our outing. As we walked towards town, I told them again that we were going to buy daddy’s birthday present and they suggested a few brilliant ideas to further complement the plan. Our first stop was a shop that sells cards. The boys picked a card from daddy’s section and I selected one that said ‘husband’ on it. After purchasing the cards, we headed to another shop since the other thing that we needed was not sold there. We roamed around the shop for a bit and came across a lovely frame with beautiful wishes on it. I grasped it and went to find ‘blow-outs’ and party hat. According to my eldest son, a birthday party wouldn’t be complete without those two items. With all the accessories in hand, we went to a music shop to get the present that I’d been eyeing for the past couple of weeks ever since I heard my husband saying that he would want to have one someday. We went into the shop and as I looked around I saw ‘it’, the perfect gift! Before we finally head home, we made one last stop to buy a pizza since the week before we’d already had a cake.

When we got home, my sons and I tidied up our little room, wrote our well-wishes in the cards, set up the table, wrapped the gift, lit the candle, turned off the lights and the telly, and waited for him to return from work. I had his camera ready in my hand to snap photos while my sons put on the party hat and grabbed their Postman Pat blow-out. As we waited in the dark, the boys kept telling me how excited they were. I could clearly see the excitement portrayed in their cheerful smiles. A few minutes went by before we finally heard him unlocked the door and turned the knob. As soon as he stepped into the room, we stood up from our hiding place and shouted ‘surprise’, my youngest son even blew his blow-out. My hubby was indeed surprised. He was even more surprised when we presented his birthday ‘gift’.

I’m really pleased that he loves the gift even though it wasn’t given on the exact date of his special day. Dragging my sons into my plan was the best part of the little project. Their genius thought of the little things like blow-outs and party hats made the small event even more special. Their little inputs had not only perfected my plan but eventually made them members of the project.

p/s: Happy Belatedy Birthday, Abg Syg

My favourite pastime

I once mentioned in my earlier post that I need a good reading book to find and re-gain my sense of literacy that seems to have lost since I completed my post-graduate studies. Well, last Saturday my hubby took me and the boys to the public library in our little town to register us as members of the library. After completing the necessary registration forms and providing the document needed to support our application, we were given the official membership cards. Truth to tell, the last time I ever set foot in a library was when I was struggling to finish writing my final project paper which was approximately half a year ago. I loan three books, two of them were taken from the literature section and the last one was from the feminism shelve. Some of you may probably wonder, “Why literature?” Like I’ve stated in my last couple of post, I am in dire need of getting a book that could help me rekindle my magic touch in my journal-writing. I thought to myself what better way to revive one’s sense of literacy than reading a literature book. One of the literature books that I borrowed which interest me the most is called “A Novel in a Year” by Louise Doughty. Honestly, I’ve never even heard of her name before I found this book. While reading her book, I soon found out that she’s a novelist with an MA in literature who had written a few novels. Intrigued by the way the bolts and nuts of novel-writing is encapsulated in honest, frank words that made her writing seems effortless, I googled up her name to learn more about this novelist who appears alien to me. The google search result indicated that Louise Doughty is a British novelist and best of all one of her novels was internationally acclaimed. Like most of my Malaysian friends, I am more familiar with American novelists like John Grisham, Stephen King, Julie Garwood, Jude Deveraux and Danielle Steel, to name a few. Well, there are some non-American novelists who made it to stardom once their books were adopted into box-office movies, JRR Tolkien and JK Rowling for instance. I guess the Americans have succeeded in Americanising most nations of the world not only through the vast promotion of their movies, television series and goods but novels as well. The Americanisation of the world’s nations; now that’s something interesting that I should blog about in my next post. (or could it be me who's been blissfully ignorant of the existance of famous writers from other part of the world?)

Let’s go back to my recent book reading. As I progressively read the chapters of Doughty’s book, I begun to recall all the books that I had read, the impact that each books left and the wonderful memories that I could somehow relate with the narration. Reading this book made me feel as though reading is an endless process. I used to have a friend who claimed that he’d be a ‘nucking fut’ if he ever comes across books that he really likes. Unlike that particular friend of mine, reading has always been my favourite pastime since I was young. My interest in reading English novels however only commenced in my early teenage years which was a little later compared to most of my classmates back then. I could distinctly remember having my very first English novel at the age of 13, the most precious birthday gift my father had ever bought me. It was one of Nancy Drew’s infamous series of investigation novel. As far as I can remember, I was really hooked on to the novel that I found it hard to put it down. That always happened to me whenever I started to read a good novel. I love novel-reading primarily because well-written novels had constantly drifted me into the fantasy world as narrated by the novelist. That wonderful feeling of for once being taken away from reality has always been a good remedy for a bad gloomy day in my real life. Whenever I come to the final page of the novel, I’d found myself thinking that no matter how hopeless things may seem in reality, there is always a golden hope for good things to happen in my life, provided that I don’t get tired and bored of trying to work things out. My point is; get yourself a good book to read. You’ll be amazed at how the fantasy world created by those brilliant novelists could lift up your spirit. It may not be of any relevant to you, but it’ll do you good.

Goodbye 2007

In just a few days time, the year 2007, will be leaving us behind as we head towards yet another new year. Each New Year, some of us will be cracking their heads and think of their resolutions for the New Year. Some, would even come up with a long list of what they’d like to change for the betterment of themselves or even the world we’re living in. I remember when I was younger, a few years before I hit puberty to be exact, one of my classmates asked me about my resolutions for the New Year. Back then, I didn’t even know the meaning of the word ‘resolution’, in fact that was the first time I’d ever heard of the word. My schoolmate then told me her version of the meaning of ‘new year’s resolution’. Once I learnt what it means, I started to make a short list of things that I’d like to do in order to achieve my personal achievements. Like most of my classmates, I strictly adhered to my resolution but only for a mere second! As soon as the excitement of having a new year’s resolution wore out, I’d go back to my undisciplined character.

My innocent enthusiasm of listing New Year’s resolution has long gone as I grow older. I guess the eagerness of coming up with a list of ‘things to do’ has slowly diminished as my so-called friends walked out of my life and moved on with theirs. Nowadays, New Year to me seems like just another year that flies by within the flick of an eye. Sometimes it felt like it was only yesterday that I had left school and stepped into the varsity. At times, I find it hard to convince myself that I’d left my schooldays for more than a decade! It’s even harder sometimes to believe that most of my schoolmates are now happily married and blessed with children. Within the next few years, my children and the children’s of my schoolmates will continue the same legacy that we had left and repeat the similar cycle of life that we and our predecessors had once gone through only this time the phases will be improvised as the future generation learns the mistakes made by their elders.

p/s: Happy New Year to all!

a quick note

Last couple of weeks, one of my companion who frequents this blog of mine, commented that I seem to have lost some of my touch of literacy. When I re-read my past updates before I long-abandoned this blog, and compared them against the posts that were recently published, I hate to admit that my friend was right. I did lose some of my literature sense. To be honest, I could think of a few excuses that might be used as the contributing factors to my deteriorating writing quality. Firstly, there's this blog where I am unofficially appointed as the editor-in-chief. I have been helping my life partner with his journal-like-blog of his profession; my role is to ensure that his posts are grammatically correct, free of spelling errors, and most of all to transform ordinary writings into a good piece of literature. Go to this link and I'm pretty sure you'll discover that the sense of literature in most of the posts published is similar to my writings. Secondly, the fact that this blog had been neglected for quite sometimes, had greatly cost me into losing some of my priceless magic touch (according to my partner). Next, I haven't been able to read novels like I used to. Instead, lately I have become my children's reading companion every night before they go to sleep. If you're a loyal reader of my blog (not that I have many visitors), you'll notice that most of the sentences composed in my recent updates are in simple form with many simple words unlike my previous posts. When I complained to my partner about my friend's comment, he simply suggested that I should read more novels and books. I guess I could use a good reading book or novel to help me rekindle my sense of literacy.

Fancy living abroad?

When one is told of one's friend/acquaintance/colleague who study/live abroad, one would feel envious for the once-in-a-life-time opportunity that the other person gets and consider him/her as very fortunate cause it's not like everyday one would land a chance to live in a foreign land. Often than not, people tend to equate those studying/living abroad with luxurious living condition. I'm pretty sure that anyone especially those who have never set foot out of their country would easily fall under the spell of all wonderful and fancy stories that their emigrant friend brought home. Who in their rightful mind wouldn't want to have the privilege of driving fancy cars, travelling all over Europe, and getting decent pay in foreign currency? I was once among those who were charmed and lured by those wonderful fantasies. Little did I know that what lies ahead of me in the foreign land is beyond my fancy imagination.

As I set foot on the land that had once conquered my home land, I started to fantasize living in a tiny English home with a picturesque view in the background, driving a European-made car (which was way too pricey back home) to the city, and having my dream job. My jaws dropped in awe as I watched the clear blue sky and admired the English houses along our drive to an unfamiliar destination. I kept telling myself, "this is it, this is what I've always dreamt of; being in the country that my dad always looks up to". I was confident that I would easily adjust myself to the new place and I wouldn't feel awkward at all to be apart of the new society. My 15-minute day-dream then was shattered into pieces as the hired-car made a halt and parked by the sidewalk of my new home.

Our new home is an old terraced-house with a small garden that overlooks the public park. I told myself, "this ain't that bad after all", but the reality that was about to hit me was even worse. The house is also occupied by a couple of Polish couples. "We don't actually rent the whole house", my hubby said to me. He then showed me the room where we would be living in. The room was rather small for a family of four to fit in. I had no choice but to oblige. After having my first meal in a foreign land, we went to shop for groceries. I was yet to be hit by another shocking reality; our transportation. Our primary mode of transportation is our two feet. For the first time since my university years, I had to walk to the nearest supermarket. It felt like the longest walk, ever. The supermarket is about 15-minute walk from our home. When I first walk there, I thought it was too far and I found it very tiring. The big whiner in me couldn't stop from silently whimpering about the inconvenient truths that I had just learnt within my short arrival.

But that was five months ago when I found it hard to live without owning a car and living in our own house. By now I learn that living abroad is not always filled with lavish lifestyle. It may be true for newly-weds who are about to start family life and have no financial obligations (or should I say 'zero overhead'). In my case, being abroad is rather full of hardship and sacrifices that my hubby and I had to make in order to gain a better future for our children. I've never seen my children enjoy going to school as much as they do here. They never whine about going to school, instead they always look forward to it. Every time I pick them up at school after work, they would complain about me fetching them so soon. They keep saying that there's so much thing that they want to do in school. Hearing them complain about not spending enough time in school made me feel glad and grateful that my hubby and I took the decision to leave behind all that we have in Malaysia and go through another hardship, just to get the best education for our children.

The dangerous mind of mine

About a year or so ago, I used to regularly update this little blog of mine which I treat like my personal journal with thoughts that I have on my mind. An inconvenient incident which happened while I was pursuing my post-graduate studies, had abruptly cut short my passion to blog any more and made me realise that it'd be best if I keep my thoughts to myself. When I come to think of the tragedy that torn the relationship between me and my study acquaintances, it wasn't the first instance for such thing to happen to me. According to my forgetful mind, a few months before I quit from my last employment, one of the posts that I published in this blog, had offended a colleague who was about to become a good friend of mine. My relationship with her ended immediately after she read what I'd published. I have never realised that my blunt posts could hurt the heart of others. My entries in this blog have never been intended to hurt or offend anybody in anyways. They're plainly records of my thoughts and feelings for the day. I'm never good at confronting people about how I feel or what I think about something, I express myself better at writing though. The funniest part is, I've never mentioned names of the person involved yet they somehow felt that the entries were intended for them to read. There's a saying in my first language for this kind of situation, "siapa makan cili dia yand terasa pedasnya".

I guess my hubby was right after all about my opinionatedness that could eventually hurt many hearts. Like I've mentioned in my previous posts, I was never good at keeping friends since I was young. My mama always thought me that the best company that one can have is one's family. I'm not sure whether I should agree or disagree. In certain circumstances, I must admit that my family is the most precious and invaluable thing to me. They're also the closest person to me (after myself and God) in the whole wide world. I was not really surprised to find that my family were the only people at the airport on the night our flight departed from my home land to England. What surprised me though was seeing the presence of two of my coursemates on that night. It was even more surprising to receive a special farewell gift from them. I couldn't thank them more for being such good friends and for that, I intend to keep this two new friends of mine who accept me the way I am, and can tolerate my blatantness at times.

After thoroughly weighting the pros and cons of publishing journal-like posts on this blog, I have come to a conclusion that I should resume blogging my toughts. However, I need to be more careful now with the words that I use in my writings. I couldn't directly pen down every little thing that I have on my mind and post them here. Instead, I have to be less personal and wisely translate my thoughts into a general storyline which may be addressed to everyone without having anyone in particular but may happen to anyone as they go about with their daily routine.

it's been a while...

i've been busy lately with my study especially now that i'm in my final semester. it's almost end of march and we're heading into april very soon and not long after that may and soon june. and with God will, i'll be flying off to England by end of june. i cant wait for that moment, the moment when i step on the plane to be reunited with my beloved hubby and my eldest son. i really miss them.

separation is hard...

it's been a while since the last time i updated this blog of mine. the primary reason would be because of my hubby's coming back to msia for xmas & new year holiday. my kids & i had the chance to spend his three-week off-time by going to places that we had also wanted to go. we went from temerloh to penang to genting highlands and port dickson. and not to mention kl's main attractions like istana budaya where we watched a musical theater, and definitely the place where the animals of the sea are exhibited; aquaria. we had so much fun together & took so many pictures of us at the places that we went to.

after three weeks of holidaying, my hubby had to head back to manchester. once again, we were gonna be separated by the 13,000 miles distance and this time, the separation was even worse as my eldest son would be following my hubby back to manchester. on the night when my youngesnt son & i sent both of them to klia, my sons seemed happy especially my eldest son since this is his first long-haul flight and he knew that he'd be going to england, the place where you can find snow. both were so happy upon the sight of an airplane. they didnt realise of what was coming ahead of their joy. they never knew that msia and england are so far from each other though time and time again i kept reminding my eldest that he'll be so far away from the home land. my eyes filled with tears as i kissed and hugged my eldest son but i fought the tears from running down my cheeks upon seeing his cheerful face. my sons exchanged goodbyes and waved happily while i on the other hand was so sad to see my eldest son & hubby made their way to the boarding gate. my sons didnt realise that they'll be separated for quite a long time from one another. they never knew that they wont be meeting each other (physically) for at least six months from the day the flight took off. my hubby and i felt sorry that we had to separate our two sons who are very very close to each other. they always comforted each other whenever they were scolded. they were always protective of one another. i remember one time when we went back to my hubby's hometown in penang, a cousin of my hubby who's only two years old hit my eldest son with a toy. my eldest son didnt fight back but cried. my youngest son then grabbed the skinny little boy's arm and hardly pinched the boy. this is just a mere example of their close brotherhood. right now, i cant wait to finish my studies so that i can take my youngest son to manchester in the soonest time cause this separation is slowly killing our souls. i can hardly wait for the day when we board our flight to manchester to be with the other half of us who are awaiting us there.

system is shutting down

pernah tak korg rase ill-separated as u guys go thru ur daily routine? dalam mase terdekat ni, that's how i feel. my systems started to hay wire ever since he left. i couldnt think or eat or do anything. at times, i'd just blankly stare at the family portraits hung on the wall as i feel my heart drop. most of the times, i feel like crying myself to sleep all day long. and as the separation period gets longer, the wound gets deeper and more of my body systems are shutting down with each day that passes.

i always thought i was a strong, indipendent person. to some people i may seem strong on the surface, but deep inside i'm very vulnerable especially when it concerns the closest person to me. i've never been this close to anyone, usually i'd keep myself to myself. i guess that's why i'm taking my separation with the closest guy to me, very very hard. i'm just counting the days for him to return home. i miss u so much, baby.

Why are we (human beings) so different from one another?

When I first enroll for a master’s degree with a business graduate school, my only goal was to complete the course and be qualified with that certificate. I could vividly recall the day when I filled up the application form. There was a column asking why I would like to sign up for the course. I wrote that I wanted to specialize in training and development as I’m a people-oriented person. I have passion in meeting with different people to exchange thought and ideas and hopefully improve and educate them with new knowledge or expertise and I believe that being in training and development department would give me the opportunity to realize my passion.

Along my enrolment, sometimes it occurred to me if any of those subjects thought during the course would be off benefit to me and the people that I will eventually work with. I couldn’t really relate them with the real world situation. But as I learnt the different theories of motivation in my courses, I’ve just realized that human beings apart from physical difference, they also have varieties of wants and needs in their life that sort of alter and evolve from time to time. Let’s take a university student who has just graduated. After the convocation ceremony, he will start his job hunt, so his driving force is to get himself employed. Once he’s employed and got his first salary, he’ll start working diligently to better perform at his work which sometimes is driven by the hope of getting an increment or the very least some sense of acknowledgement from the employer. After an increment, he’ll work his way to get a promotion which is usually awarded with sense of empowerment and authority. But, let’s say the country is under economic downturns or the organisation is downsizing, his driving force to work is into securing his job in the organisation.

Sometimes I just don’t understand human being; us, the people. I can’t help but wonder what exactly do we really want in our life? Why do these needs and wants vary and progress or regress from time to time? Are we unsure of what we want? Why don’t we just stick to only 1 type of want or need so that we can stop complicating our life?

The theories that I learnt differ from one to another. some theory indicated that we have certain number of needs, some theory claimed a different number of needs and some theory said something else about human driving forces. I guess all the different theories point to one important lesson; the nature of human creation itself is unique compared to other non complex species. Each individual within the homo sapien species is different from one to another hence we’re all individually unique. Have you ever come across any two persons in the world with identical thumb print? Even identical twins who are copy cat of one another which are identical in their physical features have unique thumb prints.

This is just one point that relates to our different needs. What about our needs that vary from time to time? The homo sapien lifehood is more complicated than the animals, or plants or any other species. When other species lifecycle is just to breed, eat, sleep, rest, and soon die, human on the other hands have certain varying goals to attain as they progress from the day the were born till the day they die. And along this long adventurous journey they have to learn and adapt to the many different hoods ie childhood, adulthood, neighborhood, brotherhood, parenthood and the other related hoods before their last breath. The complicated life cycle equipped with a complex brain, I think are some of the factors that lead to the different and varying needs and wants.

Most of the acclaimed philosophers and scientist were and are so interested in finding out our varying needs and understanding how these needs could be fulfilled. Have they ever wondered why each of the homo sapien species is created to be different and unique from one to another? As a person who’s raised religiously, I was informed by my religious teachers that we are created unique so that we’d try to understand each other and learn more from one another instead of treating others indifferently despite our differences. Long ago I didn’t quite get it, but now as I learn more about human attributes, I begin to understand them and I learn to respect their different physical characters as well as their needs which are sometimes contrary to mine.

I’m not sure if those renowned philosophers and scientist were thinking what I’ve at the back of my mind right now. It makes me worship the God more for His Greatness. I don’t even know if any of their findings have made them wonder how could such a complex living creature exist without being created by a Holy creator? Did it ever occur to them that the Darwin’s evolution theory about human is wrong? Isn’t it obvious that we could never exist without first being created by God? There is no such thing as accident in living creature’s existence. Shouldn’t our complex life cycle, unique identities, and sophisticated body system be evident enough that there must be a something that create such beautiful living thing? If their empirical and scientific researches didn’t unveil the faith of God, I can only empathize them for their blissful unawareness. Well, I’m not a preacher. I’m just an ordinary human being who tries to relate our varieties of needs, and differences to the nature of human creation.