Monday, February 27, 2006

Spilt milk...

I once heard people said that the best way to learn a lesson is the hard way. I never believe in that crap till the day I learn it for myself. I must admit that it wasn’t my first experience yet I fail to recall it. I kept asking myself when would I learn not to repeat the same mistake over and over again. May be I just don’t have luck in friendship. May be I don’t belong to any group within the society. May be I was meant to spend the rest of my life crying over spilt milk.

Remember how I wish that I could unwind the clock, and undo those tragic moments of my life? I kept wishing that someday some evil genius would be able to invent the time travel machine so I could turn back time. If that ever become a reality, I have a long list of things that I’d like to be undone. I’d begin with my first few years of my secondary education, then I’d correct those steps I took when I was an undergraduate. Some people may perceive me as a dreamer, I guess they are right for once about me. I’m such a dreamer that I used to day-dream of being a fairy princess after reading a whole lot of fairy tales. I remember once I read a novel entitled, ‘knight in shining armor’, once I was done reading the book, I wish that someday if something really bad ever happen to me, a knight in shining armor would come to the rescue.

Let’s face the music, none of that would ever happen. A dream is just a dream. Sometimes, there are certain things in our life which are beyond our control. But there are also a number of things that are within our control for instance, making decision over a few options. We could analyse the pros and cons of a decision that we’re about to make, but in reality we could never really know if it would turn out the way we wished it would be.

I’m not really sure where is this entry leading, but one thing that I know for sure is that I was badly hurt recently. After the incident I felt like I’d lost half of my soul, and there was such a huge hollow inside me. I didn’t know for sure why the impact was really deep this time around. I guess next time, I’ve to be more careful with my words, I’ve got to think more than twice before I blurted them out. The only problem is that I find it hard to conceal what I was thinking. May be I’ve to learn to control my frankness or I’ll hurt more people and the person that I’ll be hurting most is myself.