Wednesday, July 27, 2005

senangnya dlm hati....

Sblm ni aku tak pernah tau kewujudan BLOG kat internet sehingga la kawan aku perkenalkan blog dia kt aku. Mase tu rase heran & tertanye-tanye, "camne le dorg ni bole ade blog ek? camne dorg update? camne BLOG ni b'fungsi?" Skang baru le aku tau (bodoh tak utk seorg IT graduate yang tak alert langsung on blogging thingy?) . Seronok gak rupe2nye ade BLOG ni, bole tulis ape shj yg tersemat di ati & fikiran, bole suke2 ati nk kutuk sesape pon mcm member aku sowg ni suke sgt tulih kemarahan dia t'hdp msian federal gomt - ade je la yg x kena pada dia, walaupon byk yg dia ckp tu aku sendiri sependapat dgn dia. Ade member aku lg sowg, fanatik gile dgn AF smp hasil nukilan BLOG dia pon byk b'kisar ttg perkembangan AF & penuntut2 AF. Yang bagus nye bile kebykan kawan2 aku ade BLOG, I can easily update myself on my friends' happenings. Jadi aku tak perlu nk email/phone dorg lagi. Kalu bace BLOG dorg rase cam dorg ade kt depan mate aku je smbl m'ceritakan suke duke idup dorg.

Ape yg aku nk ckp kt sini? Kesimpulannye, aku rase seronok & suke sgt semenjak ade BLOG sendiri ni, aku bole luahkan segala ape yg t'buku dlm kepala otak aku & dlm ati aku walaupon aku tau bape kerat sgt le org yg nk bace blog aku ni. Yang penting kepala otak & hati aku tak sarat dgn ape2 yg aku rase & pikirkan waktu aku taip dlm update blog.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Time after time

Time passes by in just a blink of eyes. I could clearly recall my younger years especially my childhood - the best years of my life. Back in 1989, I was only 1o years old - standard 4, primary school, my father was still working for the Royal Air Force and we were staying in the spacious 'mat salleh' quaters. It was a semiD with small field which had enough room for me & my five younger siblings.

My days usually started off at 6.30 am, I rose and went straight to the bathroom. My mom prepared toast which I hardly touched for breakfast. Around 7.00 am (it was still dark), me & my younger sister headed off to the spot where the school bus dropped & fetched us. By the time we reached the spot, a whole bunch of at least 15 Air Force staff's children were already there waiting for the bus. It was no ordinary school bus, it was the air force staff's bus. Sometimes, the driver came with the big army truck if the bus wasn't vacant. I personally prefer riding the truck to school than the bus so did the rest of my friends. I never knew why but I guess it distinguished us (the Royal Air Force's kids) from the rest of the pupils at school & made us look more 'cool' than ordinary kids. Rides on truck was more fun & challenging. We had to climb up the truck coz usually trucks don't come with 'tangga'. We arrived at school around 7.30 am.

The school was special, that was what my last headmaster said. It was special because it was the only school in KL that was away from the city hustle while the rest of the school children around KL had to put up with traffic everyday. The only thing that bugged us during our school hours were the aero transports ie air force's helicopters & airplanes. Two other factors that made the school special were: (1) Chinese graveyard which was situated across our school field and (2) the Alice Smith's International Sch neibouring our school. I remember how my friends & I envied the facilities that our neighbour had, they had fully equipped gym & swimming pool. My friend & I always waited for an opportunity to speak to any one the kid from the school, just to practice conversing in English with a 'mat salleh'.

I couldn't really remember what I did during school hours, just focussing on subjects taught I guess coz the only thing that I could recall was that I hardly revised my studies at home. I'd finished my homeworks at school coz I didn't wanna bring them home, if I brought them home I wouldn't have time to finish them since I'd my own agenda after school.

After school hours, I waited for the bus to fetch us with my friends (I had a bad habit of abandoning my sister during school hours, I ignored her most of the time). We got home around 2.00 pm, then we had to change & prepare ourselves for 'mengaji' quran class. Sometimes when I didn't feel like going to the class, I'd pretend to be asleep so that I didn't have to attend the class. Anyway, the class was quite far - it was like a walk down the hill to get to the class. I didn't remember much of this also, all I could remember was I did very well for my 'jawi' writing. The quran class finished before Asar prayer.

By the time 'azan berkumandang', me & my 4 younger siblings reached home. We quickly changed. Then, we were all set to go to our favourite place - the public swimming pool for Air Force staff & family. The 'short-cut' route to the pool was tricky, we had to go thru bushes, back alley & an eerie looking temple just to get there. The challenging journey never stopped us from going to the pool. We always looked forward to swimming, well actually none of us were good swimmers, it was just that we liked to be in the pool.

After at least 2 hours in the pool, we went home. When we got home, we would play the 'kejar-kejar' game before we got in the house. Sometimes, if there were good tv programmes we'd skip 'kejar-kejar' game & dashed in to watch our favourite programmes. Some of our favourite were: (1) the English series such as Full House, Growing Pains, The Brady Bunch, 6 Million Dollar Man, and Bionic Woman (2) Animated series such as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle & Transformers (3) Japanese translated series such as Meoro Attack, Chiaki, and Satria Baja Hitam.

After watching one of the series, my father would have to drag us to the bathroom with his belt in his hand (marah le org tua tu, dh maghrib tp blom mandi & maseh dok ngadap tv). With tears running on our cheeks, we bathed & performed Maghrib prayer. The rest of the night was history coz I remember very vaguely of what we did at nights.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

all about a friend

This is a sequal to my update yesterday, "hurts hurt"

I sincerely sympathise this really good friend of mine. Almost every now & then, he had to face & put up with different sort of obtacles and problems. One of his major problem is his financial. The other day he came to me, seeking for assistance in monetary form. My hubby & I tried to provide alternatives to resolve his problem instead of just focussing on his 'ultimate' plan. We really wanted to help him out, but not the way he is planning it coz we think that there are other financial aids to mend his financial problem. We even seek 2nd opinion from our trusted financial advisor whose working with Bank Negara and our advisor's opinion was totally againts his 'ultimate' plan.

I can't help but wonder, "why doesn't he seek assistance from his family members since he is staying with them? Why can't any of his family members bail him out of his problem". This friend of mine once told me that when he tried to get help from his brother, his brother bombarded him and put the blame on him & told him that he won't offer any kind of help. As long as I know him, his father & bother are running a family business which is growing steadily. I really don't think that they can't afford to loan him some money to settle his problem. I remembered when I wanted to buy my kenari I didn't have enough $ for the downpayment, I went straight to my parents to loan me some & they gave me RM2k which they assured I don't have to pay them back, kate mak, "mak halalkan $ tu". I had been wrecking my head searching for a solid reason why didn't he go to his family instead of his friends. The only thing that I can think of is that he must have done something awful in his past that his family members wouldn't forget.

I shouldn't jump to conclusion but since he always told me his problem very vaguely I can't help myself from making conclusion based on my own interpretation. To my dear friend, I apologise if my conclusion & decision had hurt your feelings and if any of my expression in this blog of mine had offended you in anyway. I've been trying my very best to help him out but for this time around my hands are tight and I can't do anything about it. The assistance his seeking for is a little too much. I'm sorry, dear friend

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

hurts hurt

semlm ade la sowg ni, btul2 nyakit kan ati & prasaan aku. nk mintak tlg, tp tak nak cite perkara yg sebenar. if u need to ask a favour especially in monetary form, u'll have to tell the whole truth - never go around the bush, cite btul2 jgn la dgn org ni cite camni dgn org lain cite camtu lak. ape ni? mane satu nk caye? nk mintak tlg other forms, xde masalah tp bile melibatkan $ ni mmg kena byk b'soal jwb le. bkn ape, aku pernah kena dh sblm ni & peristiwa tu watkan aku & somi serik to loan $ to acquaintances. yg lg wat sakit ati, dia menipu utk pinjam $ dgn kitorg, bgtau kate mak dia sakit - nk belikan ubatla kononnye. pd mulenye aku mmg berat ati la nk bg sbb aku dok t'pk ayah dia kn maseh hidup, x kn la ayah dia susah sgt smp nk belikan ubat isteri pon xde $. seperkara lagi yg wat aku berat ati, amount yg dia nk pinjam RM500 ubat ape la yg mahal sgt tu? some people may think, 'ah, skit je tu, halalkan je', tp kena ingat skang ni every cent matters. the best part is, we got to know that our sedara tu had been telling lies to almost all our relatives seeking for $. smp skang, kitorg dok t'tunggu saat dia bayo balik $ kitorg tu. pastu sedara kitorg tu, each time kitorg balik kampung jek, batang idungnye x pernah nmpk dh. somi aku angin tul, sejak dr peristiwa tu kitorg trus x caye sape2 yg mintak kitorg pinjamkan $.
aku semakin sakit ati dgn member aku yg sorg ni sbb aku tau habit dia yg suke b'cuti-cuti malaysia hampir tiap2 w/end. x slh kalu nk gi vacation tp kena la ikut pendapatan ko sebulan. kalu smp tiap2 ujung minggu gi places of interest in malaysia, jutawan pon bole jadi papa. mane idaknye setiap kali gi b'cuti-cuti m'sia mesti nk spend a few nights kt hotel, pastu mesti nk shopping skit, ole2 utk dibwk pulang maklum le bile smp umah nanti nk b'cite dgn org. org lain mesti tanye, "eh, x beli ape2 ke b'cuti kt ctu?", dah tu cite la ape yg dibeli kt tpt tu. bile dinasihatkan x nk dgr. sakit ati gak bile dia slalu complaint gaji dia x cukup. nk ikutkan gaji dia lg besar dr aku, anak baru sorg. apsal x cukup lak? cukup nye kalu pandai b'jimat. ini idak mkn nk sedap jek, tiap2 ujung minggu nk go for vacation, skit2 nk shopping, blom smp ujung bulan $ x cukup. kalu gitu gayenye income RM20k sebulan pon x cukup. bile x cukup $, mintak tlg kite wat bank loan pakai name kite utk dipinjamkan kpd dia. diwatnye dia lari dr bayo, sape nk bayokan - aku gak le yg tanggung utang dia. dia yg utang, aku lak yg nk kena bayo ape cite? lain kali kena ingat, "$ sukar dicari, menghabiskannye senang tua2 ade pesan - 'b'jimat cermat, skit2 lame2 jd bukit'
argh!!! smp arini aku maseh sakit ati dgn dia. x leh terima thp kedegilan & ego dia tu. geram!!! kite nasihatkan x nk dgr. mmg le aku pon bkn le bagus sgt in financial management but i've learnt to control my shopping habit since i married my hubby. u can spend ur money, tp b'ingat la kalu jatuh susah nanti sape nk tlg? dlm zaman skang ni, sedara mara pon bole b'sengketa sbb $, inikan pulak member2 jek. ko sape dgn aku? kalu aku susah nanti, ko nk tlg ke? blom tentu....

Monday, July 18, 2005

Confirmation review

Just finished my confirmation review with the production manager. I wasn't really prepared for it, but I just expressed what ever I felt like saying. The most important thing of all, I told her that I need a new product for me to work on, a product which is frequently updated to keep me occupy. I'm not sure why I find it hard to sit still and do nothing in the office, it's not me. I guess I'm an outgoing person, I just like to keep myself busy. Even at home, if there's nothing to watch on tv, I'll get myself occupy with the housechores - usually ironing clothes so that my hubby can simply choose any ironed shirt from the rack.
One of the questions was 'what is your goal for the next 6 months?' I said if possible, I'd like to have access to all types of products and learn as much as possible so that I could lead my own team. Then she asked me, 'would you like to be buddied with a newbies?' I said definitely, it has always been my passion to guide people thru. I was once an instructor for an MLVK institution, the passion of teaching will always be with me.
Another question that I really like was, 'what do you think of the company?' I said, 'the office is SUPERB. That was my 1st impression when I 1st walked into the office'. Seriously the office is SUPERB, there's a breakout area for us to dine in & celebrate colleagues' birthdays - the best office that I've ever worked in. I added that, 'I really enjoy working here, there are always new things to learn' which actually suit my passion for learning. All in all, I love working here and I intend to here longer that the rest of my employment ;o)

Friday, July 15, 2005


aku sedang dilanda bosan tahap dewa ni. meluat tul dgn ketua aku ni, slalu la wat aku camni. tertunggu tunggu dia assign keje kt aku. the weirdest thing about this company is, kalu free terlalu free sampai x tau nk watpe, tp kalu sampai time bz nye smp x sempat b'napas. mcm 2nd updt yg aku wat utk research manual of industrial law, rs mcm nk pecah kepala otak semate2 nk kejar deadline. last wk kalu x salah, aku & ellie confront ketua aku tu bgtau dia kitorg x puas ati dgn care dia 'delegate' keje among team members. biase nye aku & ellie la yg dia pinggirkan, mcm dia sengaja biar kitorg t'kapai2. mase kitorg ckp dgn dia tu, spt biase she's in her defensive way of telling us her resonable reasons for taking those actions. aku & ellie maleh nk b'balah lame2 dgn dia sbb xde pekdah pon wat camtu. after the confrontation she changed a bit on the way she delegates the work to all except me. aku rs mcm dia sengaja wat camtu, just to jeopardize my reputation & performance here. takut aku gugat kedudukan dia gamaknye, bkn nak ckp besar la tp among all team members i usually complete a task in a shorter period & with high accuracy. aku bknnye gile kuase cam dia, aku tahu kemampuan aku but i'm sure if i were given a chance to lead my own team, i'll do my best to ensure that everything is well-organised. it's true that when you lead a group of people you cant guarantee 100% satisfaction from all, mesti ade one or two yg x puas ati sbb kite manusia - we tend to do mistake here and there, there's no such thing as perfect human being except for the prophets.
i've made up my mind, if the same situation goes on till the end of the month i'll raise this issue to the management. if possible i'll ask the mgmt to re-allocate me to other team, since my current team has the most members compared to other teams. kalu lame2 x wat pape, susah le gua nak claim gaji lebey mase salary review in aug/sept nanti ;o)

Thursday, July 14, 2005

what to write?

I really don't know what to write. I feel upset & disappointed with so many things today. 1stly, the 'mak cik' who's baby-sitting my 2 boys. This morning she told my hubby that she won't be around to baby-sit my children coz she's attending a LUXOR seminar, which her up-line had paid for her. 2ndly, the way work load is distributed among the team members that is not equally divided between all - some got tonnes of work to do, some (like me) got nothing in hand. The only thing that keeps me occupied is this blog & when my products are scheduled for clearing. Other than that, when I'm very free I'll be browsing & surfing the net. I'm not so into playing games, so playing games isn't the best way to make me occupy. Any suggestions anyone on how to make myself occupy at the office?

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Value of Love

How valuable love is to some people? Is there a value for love? Or is it too valuable that it could never be measured? Love should never be measured by the valuable things that you get in return for the love expressed to your loved one instead it should be measured by how long love sustains in your life. If love is measured by precious things gained when you love another, why do wealthy man divorces his wife? Some say that love is the most precious thing that one could ever possess, others claim that love alone could never feed an empty stomach but one thing that I do know for sure is that love could light up your life. It gives you hope that you've got your loved one to rely on and to turn to for a crying shoulder when things turned sour. Your loved one help you to see the bright side of every obstacles in life, and walked you thru difficulties.
True love seeks for a lot of sacrifices from you & your loved ones. Parents sacrificed their personal needs in order to educate and fulfill children's needs. Husbands sacrificed hours of watching football to accompany wives for shopping, :-) Wives sacrificed youth & energy to deliver babies for the husbands. Sacrifices in love would never be paid off in monetary but the attention from the loved one is all that matters. The most important thing to do is always cherish your loved ones by loving them back, never turn away from them especially when they need a crying shoulder. Money won't buy all the love in the world, it'll only buy one's needs.....

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Depressed or stressed out?

While having my lunch, a colleague told me that she noticed I seem to have lost some weight since I joined the company. I wasn't sure what to say coz I never aware of how much I weigh recently, I've never monitored my weight ever since I had my two boys. May be I am a little depressed/stressed out at work & at home - high density of tense at work due to:- (1) the incapability of a leader who doesn't know how to delegate work equally among the team members, (2) favoritism practice by the leader which neglected me from the rest of the team, (3) colleagues who don't seem to care or give a d*mn about others. Depressed & stressed out at home since there are 1,001 things that I have to attend to especially those resolving around my boys.
I guess most of the posts in my blog potrayed me as a pessimistic type of person. Not much positive thoughts had ever been posted here, well maybe coz that's how I perceive things happening in my life at present. Time after time and day after day, I couldn't see the bright sight of my life. How I wish I could turn back the time and go back to the wonderful moment of my childhood - watch as much cartoon as I want, go swimming, practice my gymnastic moves, I really miss the good old days when my life was free of responsibilities and stresses. I really want to gear up my life to the way I used to be - the happy go lucky one. Not one problem in the world could have stopped me from seeing how wonderful life was

Monday, July 04, 2005

Monday blues

I was supposed to attend my former boss' sister-in-law's wedding last Saturday but I couldn't make it coz my hubby was busy working. I wanted to attend the wedding, you know just to catch-up on things about him & his wife after he left the organization that we used to work for. Even though most of my former colleague's claimed he was cruel & mean to his staffs, I think he was a nice guy - the one person responsible of transforming him into an evil monster is his misses, she was always in the way of his indecisive decision-making, always's really hard when husband & wife work under the one roof especially if the husband is the superior of the wife, the wife in one way or another will leave a deep impact in the husband's decision-making. Thank God, I am no more attach to them. It was such a relief when I finally manage to get a better job opportunity with a big organization, in fact the biggest organization that I've ever worked for.
I've got nothing much to do so far for today. This is the only thing that I do when I've got nothing in my hand - updating my blog. My hubby had just got his salary last Friday, took him to shop something new for his wardrobe.... I'm trying to change his image bit by bit - I want him to groom a bit just to match my beauty (am I that pretty? perasan la tu), tak nak la dgr org ckp camni, "isteri dia tak pandai langsung jage penampilan suami". It'll really make me feel down & bad about my self, I'll feel like I'm useless to my hubby, I'm trying my very best to be a good wife & good mother to my boys.

Friday, July 01, 2005

sick & tired

My hubby just got back from work this morning at 7.30am. Sometimes I feel sick & tired of his working pattern but there's nothing much I can do about it. This pattern has become frequent since early May 2005, before that it wasnt as frequent as the current situation. I knew that he's been engaged in a lot of projects for his business venture & I do realise that he's trying to earn extra side income for the family which is a good deeds but as a wife who had to attend to 2 boys on almost every single night, I really need him around to lend a helping hand. Hey, the boys arent just mine, they're his boys too. Even if he's home early, he'll sleep the whole night, sometimes he barely hears the boys waking him up for a bottle of milk (probably too tired with the work load). I guess these are some contributing factors of me not gaining any weight ever since we had the two boys.
We are in the midst of saving as much $ for future use and now with the increment of the fuel price, we'll need to save even more......talking about fuel price this not the 1st time within a year the price is increased. The domino is always proven right, fuel goes up other merchandise & goods rise too and it will definitely impact the amount of $ spend a month for household expenditure.....the worst part is employees hardly get salary raise, a very unfair world to live in huh