Monday, November 27, 2006

system is shutting down

pernah tak korg rase ill-separated as u guys go thru ur daily routine? dalam mase terdekat ni, that's how i feel. my systems started to hay wire ever since he left. i couldnt think or eat or do anything. at times, i'd just blankly stare at the family portraits hung on the wall as i feel my heart drop. most of the times, i feel like crying myself to sleep all day long. and as the separation period gets longer, the wound gets deeper and more of my body systems are shutting down with each day that passes.

i always thought i was a strong, indipendent person. to some people i may seem strong on the surface, but deep inside i'm very vulnerable especially when it concerns the closest person to me. i've never been this close to anyone, usually i'd keep myself to myself. i guess that's why i'm taking my separation with the closest guy to me, very very hard. i'm just counting the days for him to return home. i miss u so much, baby.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Why are we (human beings) so different from one another?

When I first enroll for a master’s degree with a business graduate school, my only goal was to complete the course and be qualified with that certificate. I could vividly recall the day when I filled up the application form. There was a column asking why I would like to sign up for the course. I wrote that I wanted to specialize in training and development as I’m a people-oriented person. I have passion in meeting with different people to exchange thought and ideas and hopefully improve and educate them with new knowledge or expertise and I believe that being in training and development department would give me the opportunity to realize my passion.

Along my enrolment, sometimes it occurred to me if any of those subjects thought during the course would be off benefit to me and the people that I will eventually work with. I couldn’t really relate them with the real world situation. But as I learnt the different theories of motivation in my courses, I’ve just realized that human beings apart from physical difference, they also have varieties of wants and needs in their life that sort of alter and evolve from time to time. Let’s take a university student who has just graduated. After the convocation ceremony, he will start his job hunt, so his driving force is to get himself employed. Once he’s employed and got his first salary, he’ll start working diligently to better perform at his work which sometimes is driven by the hope of getting an increment or the very least some sense of acknowledgement from the employer. After an increment, he’ll work his way to get a promotion which is usually awarded with sense of empowerment and authority. But, let’s say the country is under economic downturns or the organisation is downsizing, his driving force to work is into securing his job in the organisation.

Sometimes I just don’t understand human being; us, the people. I can’t help but wonder what exactly do we really want in our life? Why do these needs and wants vary and progress or regress from time to time? Are we unsure of what we want? Why don’t we just stick to only 1 type of want or need so that we can stop complicating our life?

The theories that I learnt differ from one to another. some theory indicated that we have certain number of needs, some theory claimed a different number of needs and some theory said something else about human driving forces. I guess all the different theories point to one important lesson; the nature of human creation itself is unique compared to other non complex species. Each individual within the homo sapien species is different from one to another hence we’re all individually unique. Have you ever come across any two persons in the world with identical thumb print? Even identical twins who are copy cat of one another which are identical in their physical features have unique thumb prints.

This is just one point that relates to our different needs. What about our needs that vary from time to time? The homo sapien lifehood is more complicated than the animals, or plants or any other species. When other species lifecycle is just to breed, eat, sleep, rest, and soon die, human on the other hands have certain varying goals to attain as they progress from the day the were born till the day they die. And along this long adventurous journey they have to learn and adapt to the many different hoods ie childhood, adulthood, neighborhood, brotherhood, parenthood and the other related hoods before their last breath. The complicated life cycle equipped with a complex brain, I think are some of the factors that lead to the different and varying needs and wants.

Most of the acclaimed philosophers and scientist were and are so interested in finding out our varying needs and understanding how these needs could be fulfilled. Have they ever wondered why each of the homo sapien species is created to be different and unique from one to another? As a person who’s raised religiously, I was informed by my religious teachers that we are created unique so that we’d try to understand each other and learn more from one another instead of treating others indifferently despite our differences. Long ago I didn’t quite get it, but now as I learn more about human attributes, I begin to understand them and I learn to respect their different physical characters as well as their needs which are sometimes contrary to mine.

I’m not sure if those renowned philosophers and scientist were thinking what I’ve at the back of my mind right now. It makes me worship the God more for His Greatness. I don’t even know if any of their findings have made them wonder how could such a complex living creature exist without being created by a Holy creator? Did it ever occur to them that the Darwin’s evolution theory about human is wrong? Isn’t it obvious that we could never exist without first being created by God? There is no such thing as accident in living creature’s existence. Shouldn’t our complex life cycle, unique identities, and sophisticated body system be evident enough that there must be a something that create such beautiful living thing? If their empirical and scientific researches didn’t unveil the faith of God, I can only empathize them for their blissful unawareness. Well, I’m not a preacher. I’m just an ordinary human being who tries to relate our varieties of needs, and differences to the nature of human creation.