Been away

My family and I had been busy attending to family invitation for the past few weeks. Not long after we return from our trip to Penang, we took our eldest, Azhan to a clinic and got him circumcised. We had to stay at my mom's for about a week before we could take Azhan home coz the clinic was close to my mom's. Alhamdulillah, Azhan has fully recovered within a week.

Recently, we went to my Gramp's place to fulfill his wish to gather all his relatives and introduce the new family members to others. Our journey back wasn't actually planned as a couple of days before the weekend, my hubby was busily engaged with his work. I had the assumption that we'd have to turn down my Gramp's wish. So, he was a lil' surprise to find us at his door last Saturday. Since returning from England, I always hope that I could entertain my big family's need as much as I could. Whilst staying farther from them, I learnt that money could never buy the time spend with my big extended family. I also learnt that family must always come first no matter what. Now that I'd returned, I'd like to spend as much time as possible with my only surviving Gramp. (Don't know why every time I speak of him, my eyes would easily fill with tears)

I'd say Gramp's "kenduri" was a success as he managed to gather most of his siblings and their children and grandchildren. He looked so please while he was introducing his grandchildren-in-law; my hubby and Hani's partner, and my "omputih" children. He even told them about his trip with Azhan to see his brother, where Azhan saw a talking bird (wasn't a parrot, just a local one. not sure what it was though). To be honest, I was touched to see my Gramp talked about his grandchildren and great-grandchildren with pride. You could clearly see how happy he was to be surrounded by his big family. My wish is to make my Gramp happy always. I know it hasn't been easy for him after losing his life partner but I bet being around other family members wouldn't only make him feel appreciated, looked up to but also satisfied of knowing that he'd done a fine job at bringing us all up.

I felt good to be around other family members again. I even met with some of whom I haven't seen since I left school. Most of them couldn't recognise me as I'd grown out of my child-like look and become a mother of two boys. Too bad I didn't have my camera with me to capture the moment spent with my extended family. Never mind that, I know for certain that I'll be seeing them again soon at my Tok Su's niece's wedding reception on Boxing Day.

Regret Remorse Sorrow

I can't help feeling regret for returning to my own homeland, to be close to my dearest mummy. I regret coming back to the land I love. True, I could see mummy more often than the last four years but what's the point of returning when my family and me are only treated like slaves. My children are often labelled as stupid by a few of their friends at school for thinking ahead of others with their creative mind. How could a-nine-year-old start diminish others with name-calling? Where did they pick up this horrid habit? Could it be from the television, or their parents who maybe more often than not belittle their own child's talent and wise thinking.

Since my sayang started working for his new employer here, he's never failed to return home later than 8pm. Today, he's still at work despite the clock showing 1.50 am. I could understand the logic of him having to stay back a little later at work as he'll be off from work for about a week for the coming Eid. But don't you think it's a little too late. We'll be heading off to my sayang's parents early tomorrow morning. Does it not occur to her that he'd need the rest for our long journey tomorrow? It's not rocket science, is it? (This post was drafted the night before we departed to Penang)

Before I return here, I said to myself that I'll never ever regret our decision of coming back because this is where we belong. But the longer I spend my time here, I can't help but feel regret of coming home. What kind of home is this? Home to me is where one finds peace, happiness and joy. But I haven't felt those feelings since I arrived. Yes, I was happy the moment my big family was reunited somehow though the longer I reside here, the longer I yearn to go back to our simple life back in Bury. Even my boys are starting to miss Bury. I guess this is the price that we have to pay to be closer to our big family. My only hope is that our homeland would grow into a better country for the sake of our future generations.

A new chapter

September 3rd 2010, marked a new chapter in my life as a wife. The date signifies that I'd spent a third of my life devoting my love for the man I married ten years ago. Sure, our ride towards the 10th year wasn't always dandy. It was sometimes accompanied by turbulent, thunder and horrifying things but somehow or rather with my partner, Fadz's patience's we made it to that magic number 10. All those horrible experiences were not the only thing we shared, but there were beautiful and joyous moments we'd shared too which made us a strong couple. Knowing that Fadz would always be there for me made our journey pleasurable and the pains more endurable.
I was never a good wife. There were even times when I misbehaved or even forgotten my place and here I'd like to apologise openly if I'd broken your heart, brought misery into your life and led you astray. But, believe me dear Fadz, being with you is the best thing that had ever happen to me. Let us now put the past behind and start a new chapter together.

Change; the time is now

12 October was the first day of my boys schooling in Malaysia. They were excited about going back to school after being away from the education institute for nearly four months. Thrilled were they that they woke up as early as 5.30 in the morning.

At quarter to 8, we arrived at their new school. After getting them registered and sending them to their new classrooms, my partner and I drove home before we head back to their school during their recess period to ensure that they'd adjust well to the new environment. The condition of the place where the school children dine really shocked us. I thought to myself, how could the school management let the children dine is such condition. True, from afar the school looks rather brand new and quite clean but when one zooms in and carefully inspects the school especially the canteen, it was quite horrifying. The tables where they put their food were not thoroughly wiped and clean. You could easily spot traces of bird poos, dust and stains on the table top. I'm not surprised if someday one of these kids would come home sick of diarrhoea.

The nightmare was far from over. We then went to observe the food offered for the kids. I have to say I was appalled by the selection of menu. There is nothing nutritious for the kids to opt for. Carbohydrate was the only nutrient contained in all of the food; plain curry noodles with nothing but plain curry, no meat or any other protein source offered here; nasi lemak with a fraction of boiled egg and a slice of cucumber; laksa - well there might be little traces of fish in the gravy, but I doubt they'd cooked it with lots of fish. What about the refreshment? I couldn't find any fruits in the selection let alone hi-cal drinks. Clearly the drinks were just syrup with ice cubes. So, tell me this, what exactly did these kids gain from these selection of food?

I don't mean to gloat or diminish the not-so privileged primary school but shouldn't there be a guideline for food provider at the canteen to adhere to e.g the nutritional ingredients to be included? Back in England, I remember seeing the school dinner menu consisting of all the essential nutrients that children need. In fact, their menu changes on a daily basis. What was served yesterday, wouldn't be served today. That's the way to attract kids to eat good nutritious food, no?

May be it is time for the ministry of education to look into this matter. This is not a political topic but rather an important issue needing urgent solution. How long are we going to jeopardise the well-being of our children for the sake of some political agenda? After all kids are our future leaders. Call me crazy, but I believe that what we feed them today, will determine their future growth and in one way or another influence the fitness of their mind. As goes the saying by Ludwig Feuerbach; (A) Man is what he eats.

Our Bury will always be in Bloom

Hello my fellow audience. I know, I know (as my boy An would say whenever I kept telling him to do things that he’s aware of), it’s nearly centuries I haven’t posted here. Might I add, my penmanship too is getting rusty due to my abandonment.

Let me start off this entry by some flashing news. The author of ‘Bed of Roses’ is back in town! You read it right! After completing nearly four circles of the beautiful four seasons, we decided to head back to our roots; Malaysia, for good. It was not an easy decision to make especially when the kids have adjusted so well to the weather, culture and language there. Plus, my partner and I were very much localised to the little town in northern Manchester. There was nothing to complain about Bury. Famous for its Best Market in Britain, Bury to us is a diamond in the rough.

To those who love the hectic and busy life in the big city, Bury may be the last place they’d want to be. But for me and my husband who are sick of big city life, Bury is the perfect getaway. I could vividly recall our mundane weekend routine. Every Friday afternoon right after work, (I work half-day on Fridays) I’d walk to the retail park near our place which is about 10 minutes on foot for a retail therapy session. I simply love it there. Nearly all of the well-known British high-street labels are offered here. I’d spend a couple of hours going in and out of every single shop lot before I start walking to Morley Street where my boys were schooled. Most of the times, I’d return empty-handed (well not really; I always bought snacks for my kids) but with a lighter head after indulging the view of beautiful garments.

Saturday is my lie in day. I’d wake up as late into the morning as possible. Never managed to be in bed till afternoon tough cause the boys would be in and out of my room until I got out of bed. Most of the times, all the male in the house would shook me off so we could quickly go to the local library which is about 10 minutes walk from our place. Each of my boys would grab 5 books to bring home. Azhan roots for the non-fiction while Nine enjoy story books. Saturday is also the day I’d treat my hubby and kids to special menu such as nasi beriani, tomato or nasi lemak (don’t laugh. It’s quite special here since you can never find makcik nasi lemak in Bury, ever). Later in the afternoon, we’d stroll down the park right across our place. My kids would usually take their bikes and made a few laps round it before they head for the playground. Sometimes they’d play with their friends from school here. Ah, bliss!

At dawn of Sunday, my hubby would hurry off to help his chairman organise the carboot. His chairman is involved with the local athletic club and carboot is one of the activities they organise to raise fund for the club. My kids and I would later join him to see what they have in store and we’d come home with bags of toys. (I always wonder how some of other people’s junk could be treasure for others. I guess each of us value things differently.) Later in the afternoon when my partner returns home, we’d go out for grocery shopping.

We like to take this route cause it always reminds us of the changing season. Changing seasons never fail to amaze me. It doesn’t take a brainer to think that this is all the Almighty’s doing. I thank God for giving me the chance to witness one of His Greatness for nearly four times. It was an opportunity that I will always cherish and remember for the rest of my life. And I really wish that someday He would give me another chance to see and experience it again.

I'm back

Hello peeps! The long awaited d_laDy is back to heal your misery. Check out my latest post later this week. See ya!

God, bless these children of mine for I could no longer...

Death is certain and definite. Every living creature is destined to live and for some unknown period of time will die. I have been taught this since I started schooling. Despite knowing this fact for more than two-third of my life, I still found it hard to accept news of death be it of relatives, friends or acquaintances.

Early this month, I learnt that someone whom I knew from college had passed away after losing her battle to cancer. She was only 30. I found it hard to believe that someone at my age would leave the world so soon. What made it even harder for me to accept was learning that she was married and a mother to three young children. All I could think about when I heard of this was the children’s fate. How would her husband explain to the little ones that their loving mother is no longer there to attain to their needs? I didn’t know her that close, so I could only presume that while she was fighting the decease, she must have at one point talked to her little ones about the uncertain fate awaiting her.

Imagine yourself in her shoes. What would you do when you’re told by your attending doctors of the fatal possibilities in facing this great battle? Would you prepare your loved ones of the worst that might happen? Or would you rather leave in silence? Either way, I bet it’d cause heartache to learn that you’d be leaving behind your loved ones especially the little rascals whom you carried for nine months, and then cared and loved for with your whole heart and never be able to attain to their needs ever again. Even when one is assured that when one dies, one would become the guardian angel looking over the children’s well-being from above; to me this won’t comfort me in any way. It would only make me yearn to hold them in my arms again, caress and sooth them when they are in pain.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I love my children even though there are times when they test my patience with their tantrums. This is the unconditional love that a mother has towards her children. For as long as she lives, she’d put her utmost best to protect and shield them against any evil. But somehow along the line, if I were fated to leave the world while my children are still little, I could only pray that the Almighty will bless them with good health, joy and happiness.