Monday, November 15, 2010

Regret Remorse Sorrow

I can't help feeling regret for returning to my own homeland, to be close to my dearest mummy. I regret coming back to the land I love. True, I could see mummy more often than the last four years but what's the point of returning when my family and me are only treated like slaves. My children are often labelled as stupid by a few of their friends at school for thinking ahead of others with their creative mind. How could a-nine-year-old start diminish others with name-calling? Where did they pick up this horrid habit? Could it be from the television, or their parents who maybe more often than not belittle their own child's talent and wise thinking.

Since my sayang started working for his new employer here, he's never failed to return home later than 8pm. Today, he's still at work despite the clock showing 1.50 am. I could understand the logic of him having to stay back a little later at work as he'll be off from work for about a week for the coming Eid. But don't you think it's a little too late. We'll be heading off to my sayang's parents early tomorrow morning. Does it not occur to her that he'd need the rest for our long journey tomorrow? It's not rocket science, is it? (This post was drafted the night before we departed to Penang)

Before I return here, I said to myself that I'll never ever regret our decision of coming back because this is where we belong. But the longer I spend my time here, I can't help but feel regret of coming home. What kind of home is this? Home to me is where one finds peace, happiness and joy. But I haven't felt those feelings since I arrived. Yes, I was happy the moment my big family was reunited somehow though the longer I reside here, the longer I yearn to go back to our simple life back in Bury. Even my boys are starting to miss Bury. I guess this is the price that we have to pay to be closer to our big family. My only hope is that our homeland would grow into a better country for the sake of our future generations.

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