Acquaintances vs Friends

Benar lah kata org2 dulu kala, “kawan ketawa senang dicari, tp kawan menangis satu dlm seribu pon susah nk cari”. Last nite I started to realize that in my entire life, my one and only closest friend is my hubby. I wondered how life would be like without him. It’s not as if I don’t have any friends at all but I don’t think that I have any that can be considered as true friend. To me a true friend is someone who’s willing to stay in a friendship with me in facing any kind of circumstances especially during the downs, twists and turns.

There are a number of reasons that I use as excuses of not having a best friend for the past few years. The first and strongest excuse was the family barrier, you see my parents were and have always been very protective. I remember there was a time when my classmate rang me at home to ask me about the day’s homework. We only talked for about 20 to 30 minutes; my mom had started nagging me. This was her most popular line, “Kat skolah tak leh sembang ke?” She usually said it out loud that my friend could hear her nag in the back. So, to keep her mouth shut I ended up not having close and not to mention best friend during my early school days. The people closest to me back then were my siblings.

Second reason is also related to my family, the way I was brought up to be specific. My parents and grandpa have always taught me to be independent. They taught me that the person who knows us best is ourselves. They had cultivated this belief that no matter what happens to me, the only person who is willing to reach out and lend a helping hand is myself. The second person that I could rely on according to them is my family.

I could say that I’m not so friendly type of person cause I have this phobia of getting close to a person and losing that person someday in my life. It happened to me once when I was in secondary school. I was quite close to this Chinese girl. I enjoyed her company but we lost touch when she moved to different school. I tried to get reach of her, but she her cold response disappointed me. From that moment on, I knew that my mom was right about friendship.

When I moved to a boarding school, I found it hard to cope and adapt the culture cause everyone seem to be heading anywhere in pairs. I was still keeping myself alone. It was an awkward for the rest of them upon learning that I didn’t have a buddy to keep me company wherever I went. I figured it was an advantage for me cause I didn’t have to wait on for someone else to go to class or any other activities that we had to attend. I could clearly recall one of my dorm mates’ nag about me going somewhere on my own. She was worried if anything happened to me, no one would realize my absence. She was telling me this when she got to know that I would usually go to the bathroom alone in the middle of the night. I told her that I’d rather be there alone than waking up any of them and finding out that the person that accompanied me was not a real person (a ghost).

I always believe that I’m not so fortunate when it comes to friendship. Even after leaving school, I still found it hard to get a buddy who would keep me company during my university years. I’d rather head to class alone than waiting up for others. Somehow during my years of studies, I got to know someone whom I considered quite close to me, my housemate who was also my course mate. I figured I had to be close to her because we were in the same course. She was quite furious when she got to know that I once walked back alone to our hostel all the way from college. As I said earlier, I was always unfortunate in friendship. Once we graduated, we headed back to our respective hometowns and from that point on we drifted apart. We are still in touch but the closeness was never there.

I remember once I had to make distress calls to a number of all the so-called friends. It all happened when my car tire punctured. The first person that I rang was none other than my hubby. Unluckily, my hubby was at his office, some 35 minutes away from where I was. It was almost dusk, I didn’t what to do. Since my phone batter was running low, I sent distress SMS stating that my car tire punctured and I needed help to a number of people listed in my phone’s address. I almost burst to tears when none of them responded. I then found myself desperate and needed urgent respond so I called up a friend whom I knew in college. She told me that she was working outstation so I decided, desperate situation called for desperate measure. I asked her how could I replace the punctured tire with the spare one. She told me the steps of removing the punctured tire. When I was in the midst of changing the tire, a motorbike rider with his friend stopped by to offer help. At first I was a bit reluctant cause I was paranoia especially with all the road rage cases reported. With paranoia conquering my senses I quickly rang my hubby to let him know that a couple of men were helping me, just in case should anything bad happened to me my hubby would be aware of my whereabouts. I was surprised when the help offered was genuine and touched by their honesty.

As I was driving back home, I learnt the most important lesson in life, “kawan menangis memang susah dicari”. I was really disappointed and sad upon learning that none of the people in my phone’s address were my friend. Could you imagine none out of twenty in the list responded? How would you feel if you were in my shoes? One thing that struck me the most was some of them were staying nearby to the place where I was stranded yet they couldn’t give any feedback. Is it always hard to help others in need? I guess acquaintances would only consider one as their friends when one is surrounded by wealth and fame. ‘Mase tu sume orang nak menempek kat kekayaan dan name orang tadi.’ That’s the fact of life. And the most shocking findings from the incident was, (sorry I had to say this out loud, baby) even my so-called beloved hubby wasn’t there to help me out, instead two strangers in their factory uniforms genuinely lent helping hands. I kept telling myself that I must find those two guys to reward them, Malays said, “hutang budi dibawa mati” and I don’t think that I’ll ever forget that. It’ll only be buried with my dead body.