Have you ever been haunted by feeling of guilt and regret for very important life decisions? Do you wish that you could unwind the clock, turn back to the time when you were about to make the decision, and undo the steps that you’d taken? Last night, I’ve been thinking about the events that took place in my life that had taken me to where I am today. I felt regret about most of the events. I have just come to realise that I’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes through out my life.
The first biggest mistake that I did was back in 1995, when I registered to a science boarding school. It was a compulsory for all the students to take up 10 subjects for the MCE exam. I was told that pure science students were given choice of either to take up Geography or Principle of Account as the tenth subject in the MCE exam. Please be reminded that this choice was only offered when we had been taught Geography half way through the semester. About half of the science stream students decided to gave up Geography subject and learn the Principle of Account. As for me, I thought that it’d be wiser to continue learning the subject since Geography had been taught since we were in Form 1. It didn’t turn out positive, I did badly for the paper and those who took Account got better results and the subject actually helped to boost their aggregate. I really regretted that I didn’t take Account because all this while I know that I do much better with subject that involve numbers. I’ve come to understand that those who took Account had more choices in field of studies selection to further their studies.
With a 9-aggregate for MCE, I got an offer to join one of the matriculation centers not far from my parents’ place. After the registration, I had come to understand that the students there were the selected ones, ie those with excellent result, mostly a 6-aggregate MCE holder. As an average student, I wasn’t good enough to be joining the crème of the cream. Almost 95% of them were true geniuses. I was always left in the dark when they could easily understand all the subjects taught. Despite this, I ended up with a three-pointer result. Once the programme was completed, I then had to make another important decision in my life, ie choosing my degree course.
This decision was the biggest step that took me to where I am currently. I was clueless in making up my mind over the courses offered. At first I thought of taking up engineering coz all this while I really enjoy learning subjects with a lot of numbers and principles in them. But a close cousin of mine said that engineering field isn’t meant for girls, and he suggested that I took Information Technology instead. Knowing that he used to study IT in college, I decided to go with his advice.
During my second year of studying IT, I started to realise that I didn’t have passion in the field instead I fell for literature. At this point, I thought that I’d be better off in the literature line. I voiced my decision to a close lecturer and my boyfriend (at present, my hubby), both disapproved it. They advised me to complete my degree course and said that I could divert to another line of studies during my masters degree (if I were to further my studies). It took me four years to finish my 1st degree when most of my coursemates managed to do it within three years. Studying something out of passion, what do you expect?
After graduation, time to get myself a job. At this point, I was fortunate compared to a number of my close friends. The good command of English was a credit for me to be employed. My first job didn’t involve much IT in it. So did my second employment. The first two employments dealt a lot with teaching people. At this point, I still I failed to realise that I have passion in communicating with people because I could naturally connect with them. Due to some mishaps, I decided to move on and thought that it was time for me to put my line of studies to practice. So, I got a job that dealt with IT after all but in the end I gave up practicing IT coz it didn’t suit me at all. I wasn’t meant to be doing the same thing over and over again, I couldn’t handle the pressure of doing the same task again and again. That was when I realized that I was much better off at my old workplace dealing with people. I really missed my old workplace, too bad that the department had been shut down due to disastrous management issues.
After a few months of heartaches with the IT thingy, I finally found a job in Cyberjaya, a job with my passion in it. Even though my current job doesn’t involve as much people compared to my second employment, it opens up opportunity for me to connect with the people on the floor.
I guess my life was always about experimenting and trying out things. I must admit that I keen to learn new things every day but I easily felt bad about myself when I experiment things that weren’t meant for me. This reminded me of an interview session I attended. The interviewer asked me where do I see myself in 5 years time. I was clueless then. Before I could speak up my mind, he jumped to conclusion that I’d end up being a mother of 5 with nothing much to be proud of. I was so pissed off back then. But today, when I finally come to my senses and analyse what he said, I still don’t have a clue of where I’ll be in five years time. My only target is to be wealthy someday, but I’m still trying to figure out the method to achieve this target.
I hope that I’ll be much wiser in making decisions. I realise that I couldn’t dump 100% of my problems and decision-makings to my hubby. I must grow up! I may be more than a quarter decade old, but my thinking doesn’t reflect my age. Sometimes I felt like I’m a sixteen-year-old girl trapped in an adult body. I’ll have to find a way to fix my own problems. God, please help me go through this long, winding journey of life.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Monday, September 26, 2005
Another family affairs
It's been a while since the last time I updated my blog. The main reason: I didn't know what to type in, not much happened in my life ever since the last post, just normal routine I guess.
Yesterday, or last weekend I went to my parents' place just like my normal weekend ritual whenever my hubby had unsettled matters at work. After dropping my hubby at his office, I headed straight my parents' place with my two boys. As soon as I got there, my mommy asked me to send her to my aunt's place after Asar prayer to return the baju kurungs that she helped out with the stitching.
Once, we've all performed the Asar prayer, we were off to my aunt's place but prior to that, we dropped off my sister at the nearest bus stop. My sister had to get back to her college by 8.00pm. We arrived at my aunt's place at around 6pm. My aunt asked my mom to cook her heavenly “mee goreng basah” recipe. Once, we were done with all the cookings, we were all ready to stomach in the tasty mee goreng. This was when the interesting part peeped in.
My aunt told my mom about the latest news on their father ie my grandpa. Before I proceed with the details of my grandpa’s condition let me just highlight my closeness to him. I never really favour him when I was young compared to my late grandma, you see my late grandma was the one who baby-sat me most whenever my mom was 'unfit' to function as a mother. I won't elaborate more on my mom's 'unfitness'. Back to my grandpa, I always knew how much he loves my late grandma, he loves her so much that he chose not to re-marry even though it's been six years since my late grandma passed away. I remember how he used to tell me of all the details about their love for each other back in my school days, this was when I was schooling in the northern region. I was always touched by their wonderful love story and I've always expected how his life is gonna be like if my grandma 'left' him. My prediction was true, he's been dreaming of her ever since my grandma’s death. The last time I visited my grandpa was last year, a few days after raya, I've never contacted him since then.
My aunt said lately, none of my grandpa's children ie my aunt & uncles who are living nearby had never even bothered to pay a visit. I always knew that most of them have a lot of misunderstandings & controversial matters with my grandpa but I've never thought that they would go to the extreme of abandoning him. It's fortunate that an uncle & his family are still living with my grandpa, he's the only person that my grandpa could express his feelings to. The saddest part was, when my aunt told us of how my grandpa had to "tebalkan muka" & visit my uncles & aunt, when they should be the ones who visit him.
I was deeply touched with this latest news. How could they treat him that way? In his golden ages, all he wants is some sense of affection & love from his sons & daughters. I know how my uncles & aunts always fight each other over my grandpa’s wealth. I understand how lonely his life is right now, especially with my grandma’s absence. For years, he's been talking about his death, he told me once how he longed to die just to be with his loving wife, my grandma. I couldn't stop the tears from running down my cheeks as I was typing this entry. I could imagine how would it feel like to be left out by your loved ones.
As soon as I got home, I told my hubby about this news, and how I desperately need to see my grandpa. I could clearly recall the day he sent me back to my hostel, how he guided me thru the route back to my hostel from his home, so that I wouldn't have to rely on him whenever I felt like visiting his home. My grandpa always taught me how to be independent, how to face life, how to be successful in life, how to tough. I guess that is why he was always strict with his children. I remembered how he likes to tell me stories about how things were back then, how he scolded my uncles and all, and this fact will always remain in my mind, he said something like this, “of all my grandchildren, you are the ones who enjoyed listening to my lectures & stories”. He said this when my sister and I were still young girls.
p/s: I really need to see my grandpa (sobbed). I wanna tell him how much I love him. I wanna thank him for all the things that he taught...
Yesterday, or last weekend I went to my parents' place just like my normal weekend ritual whenever my hubby had unsettled matters at work. After dropping my hubby at his office, I headed straight my parents' place with my two boys. As soon as I got there, my mommy asked me to send her to my aunt's place after Asar prayer to return the baju kurungs that she helped out with the stitching.
Once, we've all performed the Asar prayer, we were off to my aunt's place but prior to that, we dropped off my sister at the nearest bus stop. My sister had to get back to her college by 8.00pm. We arrived at my aunt's place at around 6pm. My aunt asked my mom to cook her heavenly “mee goreng basah” recipe. Once, we were done with all the cookings, we were all ready to stomach in the tasty mee goreng. This was when the interesting part peeped in.
My aunt told my mom about the latest news on their father ie my grandpa. Before I proceed with the details of my grandpa’s condition let me just highlight my closeness to him. I never really favour him when I was young compared to my late grandma, you see my late grandma was the one who baby-sat me most whenever my mom was 'unfit' to function as a mother. I won't elaborate more on my mom's 'unfitness'. Back to my grandpa, I always knew how much he loves my late grandma, he loves her so much that he chose not to re-marry even though it's been six years since my late grandma passed away. I remember how he used to tell me of all the details about their love for each other back in my school days, this was when I was schooling in the northern region. I was always touched by their wonderful love story and I've always expected how his life is gonna be like if my grandma 'left' him. My prediction was true, he's been dreaming of her ever since my grandma’s death. The last time I visited my grandpa was last year, a few days after raya, I've never contacted him since then.
My aunt said lately, none of my grandpa's children ie my aunt & uncles who are living nearby had never even bothered to pay a visit. I always knew that most of them have a lot of misunderstandings & controversial matters with my grandpa but I've never thought that they would go to the extreme of abandoning him. It's fortunate that an uncle & his family are still living with my grandpa, he's the only person that my grandpa could express his feelings to. The saddest part was, when my aunt told us of how my grandpa had to "tebalkan muka" & visit my uncles & aunt, when they should be the ones who visit him.
I was deeply touched with this latest news. How could they treat him that way? In his golden ages, all he wants is some sense of affection & love from his sons & daughters. I know how my uncles & aunts always fight each other over my grandpa’s wealth. I understand how lonely his life is right now, especially with my grandma’s absence. For years, he's been talking about his death, he told me once how he longed to die just to be with his loving wife, my grandma. I couldn't stop the tears from running down my cheeks as I was typing this entry. I could imagine how would it feel like to be left out by your loved ones.
As soon as I got home, I told my hubby about this news, and how I desperately need to see my grandpa. I could clearly recall the day he sent me back to my hostel, how he guided me thru the route back to my hostel from his home, so that I wouldn't have to rely on him whenever I felt like visiting his home. My grandpa always taught me how to be independent, how to face life, how to be successful in life, how to tough. I guess that is why he was always strict with his children. I remembered how he likes to tell me stories about how things were back then, how he scolded my uncles and all, and this fact will always remain in my mind, he said something like this, “of all my grandchildren, you are the ones who enjoyed listening to my lectures & stories”. He said this when my sister and I were still young girls.
p/s: I really need to see my grandpa (sobbed). I wanna tell him how much I love him. I wanna thank him for all the things that he taught...
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
My 1st Love Letter
This morning while I was driving to work, I listened to ERA.fm. As usual, they would bring up a topic for listeners to send in stories relating to the topic of discussion and today’s topic was LOVE LETTER. I smiled listening to all the unique storied sent in. I’d really want to share my love letter story with the listeners but due to some mishaps I couldn’t do so.
Today I’d like to share my very 1st love letter with those who visit my blog. It happened more than a decade ago, 12 years to be precise. I was only 14 and still studying in form two when I got the letter. I could clearly recall the day I got the letter from this guy who used to sit beside me when we were in form one. It was Ramadhan, the fasting month was about to end. With the festive season just around the corner, all schools were scheduled for Aidilfitri break in a few days time. The Persatuan Agama Islam in my school decided to organize a Majlis Berbuka Puasa on our last day fasting in school before all students went off for the one-week school break. The ceremony started about half an hour before Maghrib prayer. After breaking fast during Maghrib, we enjoyed the meal prepared followed by performing the Maghrib prayer, after that followed by the Isyak prayer and lastly the Terawih & Witir prayers as all Muslims practiced in Ramadhan.
Once the ceremony was over, I packed my stuffs before my mom fetched me at school. While I was rushing down the stairs, this guy came to me, handed me an envelope and wished me Selamat Hari Raya. I presumed it was just a Raya greetings card coz I remembered he had done so the year before. But frankly, my heart pounded harder than normal when he approached to give me the envelope.
As soon as I got home, I quickly ran to my room & carefully unsealed the envelope. My assumption about the card being ordinary greeting card was wrong. It was a Raya greeting alright, but it was attached with a straight forward love letter. I read the letter line by line; he described his feelings towards me. I’d always knew that people like to teas us, they kept saying that we had feelings for each other ever since we sat next to each other in class when we were in form one, but I’d never thought that the teasing was for real especially the part where he had feelings for me.
After reading the letter, I didn’t know what to do with it. At first, I thought of replying the letter but I wasn’t sure how to write or what to write. The memory of me celebrating the festive season was very vague. A week had past, the school break was over, and I was still not sure what to do with the letter. I went to school as usual on the following day, but this time the feelings of guilt was haunting me. How could one react towards a classmate who handed you your very first love letter? I kept the letter for at least one week (I don’t really know for sure how long I kept it). I was clueless, I didn’t know how to react every time I saw him in class. His place was only one desk across me. I never talked to him since then, at last I decided to return the letter to the sender. This is another part that puzzled me, I wasn’t sure when or how or what should I say if I were to return it. The best way that I could think of was to put the envelope into the drawer of his desk. I was never sure when did he realize about its presence in his drawer & I didn’t intend to know.
A few months later, I heard that his family was shifting to Penang, his hometown. I never asked a thing about his move to Penang. Our class monitor had decided to throw a farewell party for him to acknowledge his contributions for helping us to beautify our class and won the weekly cleanliness award. I could clearly recall how I refused to attend the party just to avoid him and to show that no matter what happened I would stick to my decision of turning him down. With a number of people persuading me to go to the farewell party, I finally gave in. I even gave my photo to be enclosed in the photo album present that our class bought for him.
I vividly remember how my classmates tried so hard to snap a picture of us together and how they organized games for us to be playing together. Did I mention that I hate this guy? I hated him so much that I used to tell my little sister how I hated every single thing that he did. I even made fun of the way he walked. When I come to think of it, I never really had a valid reason for the strong hatred towards him.
Some of you may wonder, what happened to this guy that I hated so much? Guess what? The guy is the person that I’m living with; the guy that I hated is the same old guy that I married five years ago. I’ve never thought that we would end up marrying each other. It had never occurred to me that I’d be spending the rest of my life with the guy that I hated the most. That’s fate & life. Quoting from friend’s blog, “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans”.
p/s: The love letter is still intact, he’s been keeping it with him all this while. We are keeping it safe for our children to read.
Today I’d like to share my very 1st love letter with those who visit my blog. It happened more than a decade ago, 12 years to be precise. I was only 14 and still studying in form two when I got the letter. I could clearly recall the day I got the letter from this guy who used to sit beside me when we were in form one. It was Ramadhan, the fasting month was about to end. With the festive season just around the corner, all schools were scheduled for Aidilfitri break in a few days time. The Persatuan Agama Islam in my school decided to organize a Majlis Berbuka Puasa on our last day fasting in school before all students went off for the one-week school break. The ceremony started about half an hour before Maghrib prayer. After breaking fast during Maghrib, we enjoyed the meal prepared followed by performing the Maghrib prayer, after that followed by the Isyak prayer and lastly the Terawih & Witir prayers as all Muslims practiced in Ramadhan.
Once the ceremony was over, I packed my stuffs before my mom fetched me at school. While I was rushing down the stairs, this guy came to me, handed me an envelope and wished me Selamat Hari Raya. I presumed it was just a Raya greetings card coz I remembered he had done so the year before. But frankly, my heart pounded harder than normal when he approached to give me the envelope.
As soon as I got home, I quickly ran to my room & carefully unsealed the envelope. My assumption about the card being ordinary greeting card was wrong. It was a Raya greeting alright, but it was attached with a straight forward love letter. I read the letter line by line; he described his feelings towards me. I’d always knew that people like to teas us, they kept saying that we had feelings for each other ever since we sat next to each other in class when we were in form one, but I’d never thought that the teasing was for real especially the part where he had feelings for me.
After reading the letter, I didn’t know what to do with it. At first, I thought of replying the letter but I wasn’t sure how to write or what to write. The memory of me celebrating the festive season was very vague. A week had past, the school break was over, and I was still not sure what to do with the letter. I went to school as usual on the following day, but this time the feelings of guilt was haunting me. How could one react towards a classmate who handed you your very first love letter? I kept the letter for at least one week (I don’t really know for sure how long I kept it). I was clueless, I didn’t know how to react every time I saw him in class. His place was only one desk across me. I never talked to him since then, at last I decided to return the letter to the sender. This is another part that puzzled me, I wasn’t sure when or how or what should I say if I were to return it. The best way that I could think of was to put the envelope into the drawer of his desk. I was never sure when did he realize about its presence in his drawer & I didn’t intend to know.
A few months later, I heard that his family was shifting to Penang, his hometown. I never asked a thing about his move to Penang. Our class monitor had decided to throw a farewell party for him to acknowledge his contributions for helping us to beautify our class and won the weekly cleanliness award. I could clearly recall how I refused to attend the party just to avoid him and to show that no matter what happened I would stick to my decision of turning him down. With a number of people persuading me to go to the farewell party, I finally gave in. I even gave my photo to be enclosed in the photo album present that our class bought for him.
I vividly remember how my classmates tried so hard to snap a picture of us together and how they organized games for us to be playing together. Did I mention that I hate this guy? I hated him so much that I used to tell my little sister how I hated every single thing that he did. I even made fun of the way he walked. When I come to think of it, I never really had a valid reason for the strong hatred towards him.
Some of you may wonder, what happened to this guy that I hated so much? Guess what? The guy is the person that I’m living with; the guy that I hated is the same old guy that I married five years ago. I’ve never thought that we would end up marrying each other. It had never occurred to me that I’d be spending the rest of my life with the guy that I hated the most. That’s fate & life. Quoting from friend’s blog, “Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans”.
p/s: The love letter is still intact, he’s been keeping it with him all this while. We are keeping it safe for our children to read.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Walking down the memory lane
With nothing much to do at work, I have all the time to walk down the memory lane - the precious moments in my life. The strongest memory that is coming back to my mind is the four years spent in the university. I could clearly see my fellow uni friends in my mind - Ct, Anad, Imah and Lin. I remember how I first got to know them. It was back in 1998, our registration day and our 1st day as freshmen enrolling for our IT degree. I'd just registered at late noon, when most of the housemates had done their unpacking. Frankly, I'm not a friendly person so it was never easy for me to start a conversation. Luckily, my mom was there helping me to settle my baggage. She started talking to one of them, it was Ct. And Ct with her ever talkative & friendly manner introduced herself & the rest of the bunch. That was how I got to know them, my mom. Then, parents were ushered to leave the hostel as we had to report for our orientation week. I don't wanna elaborate much on our orientation week.
Anyway, after 1 week of torturous orientation programme, we were asked to move to another block. We were transported to our new block with a bus. The bus was crammed up with all our stuffs. The sun was about to set when we got there. After unloading our stuffs and 'fighting' for our rooms, the two seniors who were staying there, took us to the nearest food stalls. We walked there, and our 1st journey to the stalls seemed too long & really tiring. When we got there, we were all swelled up by the many steps taken just to fill our grumbling stomach. After that 1st journey, we never complaint about the distance since we were so used to a lot of walking after that. My most memorable moment with them was when the 4 of us walked all the way from our house to the nearest shopping plaza. I could clearly hear how they teased me about my consciousness over my weight (i was a little plump back then, weighting 48 kg i always saw myself fat & ugly). I remembered Lin saying out loud, "look at Ina, look at her fatty tissue clinging around her fat legs. I'm so embarrassed to walk beside her". I must admit that I was an anorexic & sometimes I still see myself fat despite my 43kg weight. Our mission of going there was to measure our weight at the weighting fortune machine (the machine prints a fortune card with our weight on it)
As I'm sitting here typing & recalling the wonderful years spent with them, reminds me of the time when all of us became chatting maniacs. I could hardly recall who introduced us to the chatting craze, but what I know for sure the craze started when one of us bought a computer that came with modem. We took turn to chat coz the wireless thingy was way beyond our time. All of us started to log for distinguished nicks. My closest friend, Anad was the heavy chatter among us. I remembered how I hardly saw her slept at nite coz of her madness over chatting. She had come to the extreme of having a 'steady' chatting buddy. I couldn't tell exactly when did we get over the madness of chatting, but one thing that I remember most was one of my chatting friends sent a pict of him in the uni he was lecturing. I even had a special nick for him, my knight in shining armour (this was plainly because I was so indulged into Jude Deveraux's a knight in shining armour novel).
I know it’s impossible to note down all the special moments spent with them. But honestly, these close friends of mine have helped me tremendously to go thru life as a student in the uni especially Anad. We went a lot of things together, we had accident while riding your bike to our morning class just after I got furious with you over something. We even had to extend our study period because of our exam results. To all my friends in uni, Ct, Anad, Lin & Imah thanks for being a good friend. I really appreciate our friendship and especially to Anad, thanks so much for putting up with my temper. And to all the friends that I got to know during my schoolday, uni or during my employment, thanks for the valuable friendship.
Anyway, after 1 week of torturous orientation programme, we were asked to move to another block. We were transported to our new block with a bus. The bus was crammed up with all our stuffs. The sun was about to set when we got there. After unloading our stuffs and 'fighting' for our rooms, the two seniors who were staying there, took us to the nearest food stalls. We walked there, and our 1st journey to the stalls seemed too long & really tiring. When we got there, we were all swelled up by the many steps taken just to fill our grumbling stomach. After that 1st journey, we never complaint about the distance since we were so used to a lot of walking after that. My most memorable moment with them was when the 4 of us walked all the way from our house to the nearest shopping plaza. I could clearly hear how they teased me about my consciousness over my weight (i was a little plump back then, weighting 48 kg i always saw myself fat & ugly). I remembered Lin saying out loud, "look at Ina, look at her fatty tissue clinging around her fat legs. I'm so embarrassed to walk beside her". I must admit that I was an anorexic & sometimes I still see myself fat despite my 43kg weight. Our mission of going there was to measure our weight at the weighting fortune machine (the machine prints a fortune card with our weight on it)
As I'm sitting here typing & recalling the wonderful years spent with them, reminds me of the time when all of us became chatting maniacs. I could hardly recall who introduced us to the chatting craze, but what I know for sure the craze started when one of us bought a computer that came with modem. We took turn to chat coz the wireless thingy was way beyond our time. All of us started to log for distinguished nicks. My closest friend, Anad was the heavy chatter among us. I remembered how I hardly saw her slept at nite coz of her madness over chatting. She had come to the extreme of having a 'steady' chatting buddy. I couldn't tell exactly when did we get over the madness of chatting, but one thing that I remember most was one of my chatting friends sent a pict of him in the uni he was lecturing. I even had a special nick for him, my knight in shining armour (this was plainly because I was so indulged into Jude Deveraux's a knight in shining armour novel).
I know it’s impossible to note down all the special moments spent with them. But honestly, these close friends of mine have helped me tremendously to go thru life as a student in the uni especially Anad. We went a lot of things together, we had accident while riding your bike to our morning class just after I got furious with you over something. We even had to extend our study period because of our exam results. To all my friends in uni, Ct, Anad, Lin & Imah thanks for being a good friend. I really appreciate our friendship and especially to Anad, thanks so much for putting up with my temper. And to all the friends that I got to know during my schoolday, uni or during my employment, thanks for the valuable friendship.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Mating season
Mating season is the nickname my hubby gave to the school holiday. Why? It's simply because of the many wedding invitations that we got each time the school holiday peeps into the calendar. School holiday may be over by now, but some of the soon-to-be-wed couples chose to organise their wedding days after the shool holiday just to avoid the peak period of weddings. Why mating season some of you may wonder? I don't think that I need to elaborate. I'm sure the word wedding is self-explanatory.
Tonite, my hubby will be taking me & our sons to his friend's majlis akad nikah in Ampang. We were invited there as we aren't gonna be able to attend her wedding reception on 10th Sept. My hubby will be joining his office's trip to Genting Highlands on that day. I'm not really close to this friend of his, but my hubby is quite close to her cause he helped her a lot with her design subject when they were studying architecture together. Seems like she owed my hubby a favour.
Back to the mating season subject, we were supposed to attend quite a number of weddings last August but as I've mentioned in my a very hectic month post due to my hubby's tight deadlines I couldn't attend most of the wedding invitations. Attending wedding receptions always remind me of my wedding. Looking back to the five years ago event, made me feel lucky that I got married young. To some, it seems tougher to settle down at a young age cause most of us weren't financially stabil at that time. We were still studying with no fixed income when we married. I can't deny that it was truly tough during our first two years of marriage. We had to struggle to keep our family together & win some bread & butter. Even though it was tough I never regretted being married young, in fact I'm glad that we did so. When our friends are in the midst of finding soulmates & planning to settle down, we are already busy with educating & bringing up our children. I'm glad and proud that we're a few notches up from our friends. So to all my friends who've just got settle down, it's time for you guys to catch-up ;-p
Tonite, my hubby will be taking me & our sons to his friend's majlis akad nikah in Ampang. We were invited there as we aren't gonna be able to attend her wedding reception on 10th Sept. My hubby will be joining his office's trip to Genting Highlands on that day. I'm not really close to this friend of his, but my hubby is quite close to her cause he helped her a lot with her design subject when they were studying architecture together. Seems like she owed my hubby a favour.
Back to the mating season subject, we were supposed to attend quite a number of weddings last August but as I've mentioned in my a very hectic month post due to my hubby's tight deadlines I couldn't attend most of the wedding invitations. Attending wedding receptions always remind me of my wedding. Looking back to the five years ago event, made me feel lucky that I got married young. To some, it seems tougher to settle down at a young age cause most of us weren't financially stabil at that time. We were still studying with no fixed income when we married. I can't deny that it was truly tough during our first two years of marriage. We had to struggle to keep our family together & win some bread & butter. Even though it was tough I never regretted being married young, in fact I'm glad that we did so. When our friends are in the midst of finding soulmates & planning to settle down, we are already busy with educating & bringing up our children. I'm glad and proud that we're a few notches up from our friends. So to all my friends who've just got settle down, it's time for you guys to catch-up ;-p
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
A mother - child bond
Today while having lunch with a few of my office mates, I was struck by the mother - child bonding topic that we were discussing. We started to chat on the topic as we learned that one close office mate of ours had to send her son to her parents' place in Kuching. She's been requested to go to our office in Sydney to undergo a one-month training there. Normal mothers will weep upon knowing that they have to be away from their children for quite sometimes. When she was telling this to us, her eyes were filled with tears. As a mother of two boys, I fully understand the felling of being apart from the children.
I experienced this feeling for the first time when I had to attend the PTD assessment programme in Kluang, Johor. It was somewhere back in May, I got the letter from the SPA saying that I'd to undergo an assessment in order to qualify to the next round of the PTD selection. I was supposed to attend the selection held in KL but due to a training conducted at the office, I had to reschedule the assessment date as well as the venue. The nearest centre available was Kluang & Kuala Ketil but I chose to go to Kluang since my hubby is very familiar with that part of Msia.
We parted from Serdang right after maghrib prayer. After four hours of non-stop drive, we reached Kluang town. I remembered during our journey to Kluang, my in-laws who were back then staying in Segamat rang us a number of times to ensure we had a save journey. At about midnite, we reached Kluang town & headed straight to one of the hotels there.
Early the next morning, I packed our luggages & separated my luggage from my hubby's & my kids' baggages in case I had to stay in the hostel provided at the assessment centre. I really wished that they would allow me to stay at the nearest hotel instead of the hostel provided. It never occurred to me that it would be the day I had to be away from my children for a couple of days. After I registered myself into the assessment centre, I went to get the things needed and put them into the room provided. Then, I went straight to my hubby & kids who were awaiting in the car. That was the moment I had to wish farewell to my hubby & kids. It was the saddest moment in my life because I knew then I had to be apart from my family for a couple of days. It was the first time ever my cheeks were drenched with tears, to be away from the children that I love. The fact that I wouldn't be seeing them for a few days really strucked my heart. Even my children were crying. I hugged and kissed my hubby & kids. My two boys were screaming asking me to get back into the car. I told them, "Mama has to go to work", but it didn't stop them from crying. My hubby said, "It's just for a few days. We'll fetch you on Sunday". More tears ran down my cheeks when I saw them drove away & left the place heading to my in-laws' place in Segamat.
I could imagine my colleague's feelings to be apart from her son. That's how strong a mother - child bonding is. I couldn't understand how some of the so called mothers could easily get rid of their children after birth, some even dumped their babies in garbage cans. What were they thinking? How could they be so mean & cruel to the babies that they carried so close to their hearts for nine months? I was never fond of kids in my teen ages but after I got married & had my own kids my heart sank upon learning that some mothers turned into devils to dump their babies just to seal their sins. They should know that, Allah sees everything that one commits - one may veil it from others but Allah knows, there's nothing that one could hide away from Allah the Almighty.
I experienced this feeling for the first time when I had to attend the PTD assessment programme in Kluang, Johor. It was somewhere back in May, I got the letter from the SPA saying that I'd to undergo an assessment in order to qualify to the next round of the PTD selection. I was supposed to attend the selection held in KL but due to a training conducted at the office, I had to reschedule the assessment date as well as the venue. The nearest centre available was Kluang & Kuala Ketil but I chose to go to Kluang since my hubby is very familiar with that part of Msia.
We parted from Serdang right after maghrib prayer. After four hours of non-stop drive, we reached Kluang town. I remembered during our journey to Kluang, my in-laws who were back then staying in Segamat rang us a number of times to ensure we had a save journey. At about midnite, we reached Kluang town & headed straight to one of the hotels there.
Early the next morning, I packed our luggages & separated my luggage from my hubby's & my kids' baggages in case I had to stay in the hostel provided at the assessment centre. I really wished that they would allow me to stay at the nearest hotel instead of the hostel provided. It never occurred to me that it would be the day I had to be away from my children for a couple of days. After I registered myself into the assessment centre, I went to get the things needed and put them into the room provided. Then, I went straight to my hubby & kids who were awaiting in the car. That was the moment I had to wish farewell to my hubby & kids. It was the saddest moment in my life because I knew then I had to be apart from my family for a couple of days. It was the first time ever my cheeks were drenched with tears, to be away from the children that I love. The fact that I wouldn't be seeing them for a few days really strucked my heart. Even my children were crying. I hugged and kissed my hubby & kids. My two boys were screaming asking me to get back into the car. I told them, "Mama has to go to work", but it didn't stop them from crying. My hubby said, "It's just for a few days. We'll fetch you on Sunday". More tears ran down my cheeks when I saw them drove away & left the place heading to my in-laws' place in Segamat.
I could imagine my colleague's feelings to be apart from her son. That's how strong a mother - child bonding is. I couldn't understand how some of the so called mothers could easily get rid of their children after birth, some even dumped their babies in garbage cans. What were they thinking? How could they be so mean & cruel to the babies that they carried so close to their hearts for nine months? I was never fond of kids in my teen ages but after I got married & had my own kids my heart sank upon learning that some mothers turned into devils to dump their babies just to seal their sins. They should know that, Allah sees everything that one commits - one may veil it from others but Allah knows, there's nothing that one could hide away from Allah the Almighty.
Monday, September 05, 2005
UNTUK KE-5 TAHUN
Untuk ke-5 tahunnya,
Aku masih mengenggam janji,
Lafaz cintaku menjadikanmu isteriku;
Ku kucup dahimu terpahat restuku…
Untuk ke-5 tahunnya,
Kau telah berkorban untukku,
Segala kasih-sayang dan kesetiaanmu;
Segunung intan tak dapat ku lunaskan,
Untuk ke-5 tahunnya,
Kau menemaniku,
Dalam jaga dan lenaku;
Tiada lagi nyenyak tidur tanpamu,
Untuk ke-5 tahunnya,
Kau telah sinari hidup dengan cahaya mata,
Menyinarlah kasihku sehingga kepintu syurga;
Terbenam marahku ke lubuk neraka,
Oleh itu hari ini,
Untuk ke-5 tahunnya,
Aku masih tetap melafazkan;
Kata CINTA dari hatiku ke hatimu,
dr abgsayangina
Aku masih mengenggam janji,
Lafaz cintaku menjadikanmu isteriku;
Ku kucup dahimu terpahat restuku…
Untuk ke-5 tahunnya,
Kau telah berkorban untukku,
Segala kasih-sayang dan kesetiaanmu;
Segunung intan tak dapat ku lunaskan,
Untuk ke-5 tahunnya,
Kau menemaniku,
Dalam jaga dan lenaku;
Tiada lagi nyenyak tidur tanpamu,
Untuk ke-5 tahunnya,
Kau telah sinari hidup dengan cahaya mata,
Menyinarlah kasihku sehingga kepintu syurga;
Terbenam marahku ke lubuk neraka,
Oleh itu hari ini,
Untuk ke-5 tahunnya,
Aku masih tetap melafazkan;
Kata CINTA dari hatiku ke hatimu,
dr abgsayangina
5th wedding anniversary
Today is another episode of my boring day at work. Not much to do really, since I was having some problem to transfer my product upate to the publishing system in Sydney. The company that I'm working for is so multinational that it is owned by the Dutch, managed by Aussie & the production department is run by Asian. I don't really wanna highlight much about my employee in this update.
As I was typing this, the ring that's glittering on my middle finger keeps reminding me of the wonderful gifts that my hubby bought for me as our 5th anniversary wedding present. Yesterday, we went to one of the jewellers in Putrajaya. I've always longed to possess a diamond ring ever since my adulthood. But of course when we 1st got married, my hubby couldn't afford to buy one and the fact that we went to buy a wedding ring with his mother (my 'loving' mother-in-law) had stopped us from getting one of those white gold diamond ring. Yeah, typical elderly Malay woman will never approve purchase of jewellery with zero golden feature. I was a little frustrated back then, but what could I say? Long story short, my hubby & I had to agree to what she chose for us. In fact, I had to nod silently to all the choices she made for our wedding arrangements.
Anyway, back to our recent trip to the jewellery shop. I finally picked a white gold diamond ring after a couple hours of survey & a white gold plated bangle like bracelet. They were the best gifts that my hubby had ever presented to me after the Nokia phone. I felt bad that I didn't buy him anything, I've no idea what to give him since men's desire are so absolutely different from women. To my baby, thanks a million for the wonderful gifts. I really appreciate it. For five long years we've been together thru hard times & good times, I always pray for us to be together for the rest of our lives.
To my newly weeds friends, I'd like to wish you guys "selamat pengantin baru, selamat menempuh alam baru dgn penuh kesabaran, semoga berbahgia slalu hingga ke akhir hayat". I prefer not to use the phrase "semoga berkekalan ke anak cucu" because I've come across a few married couples who live happily together and got divorced once they started to have grandchildren. I'm saying this based on what had happened to a number of my aunts. Knowing that they divorced in their golden ages made me sour, to me the best thing in a wedding is having a life partner who'll spend the rest of his/her life with you in whatever situation. No matter how much one spends for their wedding reception, it won't value a single cent if one ended up parting from the person that you married. It's sad enough when children have grown up and started their life elsewhere with their own family but it's tragic when an elderly man/woman had to spend the rest of his/her life alone.
To my single friends, no rush in searching for your Mr/Ms Right or best said as soul mate. When the time comes, you'll find your soul mate & life partner with God's will. Just like a saying in Malay, "Jodoh pertemuan, ajal maut di tangan Allah. Manusia hanya merancang, Allah yang menentukan". Only Allah knows what is best for us.
As I was typing this, the ring that's glittering on my middle finger keeps reminding me of the wonderful gifts that my hubby bought for me as our 5th anniversary wedding present. Yesterday, we went to one of the jewellers in Putrajaya. I've always longed to possess a diamond ring ever since my adulthood. But of course when we 1st got married, my hubby couldn't afford to buy one and the fact that we went to buy a wedding ring with his mother (my 'loving' mother-in-law) had stopped us from getting one of those white gold diamond ring. Yeah, typical elderly Malay woman will never approve purchase of jewellery with zero golden feature. I was a little frustrated back then, but what could I say? Long story short, my hubby & I had to agree to what she chose for us. In fact, I had to nod silently to all the choices she made for our wedding arrangements.
Anyway, back to our recent trip to the jewellery shop. I finally picked a white gold diamond ring after a couple hours of survey & a white gold plated bangle like bracelet. They were the best gifts that my hubby had ever presented to me after the Nokia phone. I felt bad that I didn't buy him anything, I've no idea what to give him since men's desire are so absolutely different from women. To my baby, thanks a million for the wonderful gifts. I really appreciate it. For five long years we've been together thru hard times & good times, I always pray for us to be together for the rest of our lives.
To my newly weeds friends, I'd like to wish you guys "selamat pengantin baru, selamat menempuh alam baru dgn penuh kesabaran, semoga berbahgia slalu hingga ke akhir hayat". I prefer not to use the phrase "semoga berkekalan ke anak cucu" because I've come across a few married couples who live happily together and got divorced once they started to have grandchildren. I'm saying this based on what had happened to a number of my aunts. Knowing that they divorced in their golden ages made me sour, to me the best thing in a wedding is having a life partner who'll spend the rest of his/her life with you in whatever situation. No matter how much one spends for their wedding reception, it won't value a single cent if one ended up parting from the person that you married. It's sad enough when children have grown up and started their life elsewhere with their own family but it's tragic when an elderly man/woman had to spend the rest of his/her life alone.
To my single friends, no rush in searching for your Mr/Ms Right or best said as soul mate. When the time comes, you'll find your soul mate & life partner with God's will. Just like a saying in Malay, "Jodoh pertemuan, ajal maut di tangan Allah. Manusia hanya merancang, Allah yang menentukan". Only Allah knows what is best for us.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Shop till you drop
Yesterday I went to Mid-valley to shop for a few items that I've been longing to buy. I've been planning to do so since the beginning of the M'sia Mega Sale Carnival but my tight schedule had kept me away from the shopping centre for quite sometimes. I was kept hooked on to my clearing products one after another since they were coming in back to back non-stop up till yesterday. With a budget of RM300 in my hands, I bought myself a wallet, hand bag, two blouse and a pair of socks. I even bought a wallet for my dear hubby. It was a bit frustrating when I didn't have enough cash to buy a skirt that I like so much. I spent about 5 hours of wandering around Mid-valley from the south point to north point. Actually I've set the alarm on my phone to snooze at 4.00 pm. So, when my feet was aching due to almost non-stop of walking my phone alarm was beeping. I didn't realise that I've spent almost 5 hours there.
I got home around 5.00 pm. Before I fetch my kids from my baby-sitter's place, I tried on my new clothes and quickly emptied my old hand bag, put the things in it into the new one. I did the same to my old wallet. A quater to 6, I fetched my two boys. They saw the KFC I bought from Mid-val & helped themselves to it. That was when I realised that I was so exhausted from too much of walking. I slept at around 12 midnite.
About 3am, my hubby got home from his office. He's been busy working on the Dubai project for the past two weeks. I didn't complaint much since my budget to do some shopping for myself has finally been approved. I gave him the wallet that I bought for him, he did the same thing that I did earlier to my old wallet - emptied the old one & put them into the new one. Then, at 3.30am we were off to bed. Within a few minutes, he was already in deep slumber while I couldn't put myself to sleep. Why? I couldn't keep myself from thinking of the skirt that I saw at one the boutiques in mid-val. How I wished I had more cash to purchase it. You see, my hubby has a principle of not possessing a credit card. He said having one will definitely affect our financial budget. If one possesses one, one has the tendency of exceeeding the initial budget. I think I've complaint once or twice about us not having a credit card. As usual he'll give me a 15-minute lecture on the disadvantages of having one. I'm so looking forward to buying it if possible this coming weekend. I've even started to imagine myself in the skirt and the matching blouse that I bought =o)
I think if I had had more cash, I might spend all the cash that I had. Old habit dies hard - if my hubby is a workaholic & perfectionist, I'm the shoppaholic & imaginist (is there such word? maybe a 'dreamer' is a better description). This has been my nature since I was in my teen ages but my current status as a wife & mother of two boys doesn't permit me to connect intimately with this nature of mine. I'm really looking forward to another shopping trip, I just love to shop. I think most women love to shop. Maybe it's one of the women's nature & that is why there are more shopping selections for women, from clothings to shoes to hand bags to lingeries or to simplify it women have a wide selection to shop for from head to toe. Why? I think women buy things to complement their beauty & most of them don't hesitate to spend more to look even more beautiful. As for me, I shop to satisfy my lust for clothes & shoes =o)
I got home around 5.00 pm. Before I fetch my kids from my baby-sitter's place, I tried on my new clothes and quickly emptied my old hand bag, put the things in it into the new one. I did the same to my old wallet. A quater to 6, I fetched my two boys. They saw the KFC I bought from Mid-val & helped themselves to it. That was when I realised that I was so exhausted from too much of walking. I slept at around 12 midnite.
About 3am, my hubby got home from his office. He's been busy working on the Dubai project for the past two weeks. I didn't complaint much since my budget to do some shopping for myself has finally been approved. I gave him the wallet that I bought for him, he did the same thing that I did earlier to my old wallet - emptied the old one & put them into the new one. Then, at 3.30am we were off to bed. Within a few minutes, he was already in deep slumber while I couldn't put myself to sleep. Why? I couldn't keep myself from thinking of the skirt that I saw at one the boutiques in mid-val. How I wished I had more cash to purchase it. You see, my hubby has a principle of not possessing a credit card. He said having one will definitely affect our financial budget. If one possesses one, one has the tendency of exceeeding the initial budget. I think I've complaint once or twice about us not having a credit card. As usual he'll give me a 15-minute lecture on the disadvantages of having one. I'm so looking forward to buying it if possible this coming weekend. I've even started to imagine myself in the skirt and the matching blouse that I bought =o)
I think if I had had more cash, I might spend all the cash that I had. Old habit dies hard - if my hubby is a workaholic & perfectionist, I'm the shoppaholic & imaginist (is there such word? maybe a 'dreamer' is a better description). This has been my nature since I was in my teen ages but my current status as a wife & mother of two boys doesn't permit me to connect intimately with this nature of mine. I'm really looking forward to another shopping trip, I just love to shop. I think most women love to shop. Maybe it's one of the women's nature & that is why there are more shopping selections for women, from clothings to shoes to hand bags to lingeries or to simplify it women have a wide selection to shop for from head to toe. Why? I think women buy things to complement their beauty & most of them don't hesitate to spend more to look even more beautiful. As for me, I shop to satisfy my lust for clothes & shoes =o)
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